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3/19/2018 8:02 pm |
OK -- I'll bite. In the past -- really not that well at all. These days I have to know that they're 'crazy free'. I've at least learned that. 
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Hmmm well, this has changed quite a bit for me over the past several years with changes in my libido. Back in my carefree slutty days it wasn't unheard of for me to have sex with someone at the first meet. If we had done some emailing beforehand, and spent a couple hours chatting and letting chemistry take its course. It's really interesting that you're phrasing this as, how well to you have to "know" the other person - because I suspect for a lot of people it's more about "how much am I attracted to them". These days I suppose I would have to feel like I knew them well enough to know that they are going to be a considerate partner, to know that they are not doing anything unethical (i.e. not attached with their partner being unaware of what's going on), to have a sense that they're not just out for a one-time thing...and, of course yes, I do have to feel attracted to them.   
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Sometimes all you have to know is they want to have fun and you wanna have fun
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3/19/2018 8:27 pm |
as adults we get to make adult decisions, I go with my gut feeling,
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HAHAHA!!!! Like this post. I hope you don't mind a non blogger answering this. How well do you have to know someone before you'll have sex with them? Depends on where I meet them. Someone from this site, very well. Someone not from the site, several hours. I can get a lot of information in that time What determines whether you know them well? Don't need to know them well. Just need to trust that they won't try to do me any physical harm. What information do you need to know about the other person (asking sexual health status is a given) in order to say yes to sex with them? Name, DOB and address. I can find out whatever I need to know with that info.     
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I think Smartasswoman hit it right by zooming in on the word "know." Maybe when I was younger with hormones constantly boiling over and doing much of my thinking, the standard for "knowing" someone well enough may have been a bit more lax and attraction had more control. These days, "knowing" means reaching a level of trust. How quickly that happens depends. It's a touch and feel thing. Figuratively, not literally. I was thinking about this in response to a related question on another blog. I think my approach to sex has evolved where now, somewhere subconsciously, I'm thinking about sex as more than a one-time thing. That is to say - when I was younger, all that seemed to matter was hooking up with a woman, getting my rocks off, and whatever came was hardly a concern. Now, I think about all of the possibilities, good and bad, for what may or could come after. I suppose, once you get your rocks off enough times, you come to recognize that there's more to it all. "Come to recognize". . . heh. 
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Yep. It was your blog I was talking about up there above ↑.
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3/19/2018 9:23 pm |
I have to know them well enough to know that they are as excited about me as I am about them. It is not a time frame, but a connection Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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OK, good question(s). To have sex - strictly the physical thing . . . Since I've been here there were a few I really hardly knew at all, but like Kinks said "at least like them and be attracted to them". If you're talking about getting into something beyond a 'one night stand' then I would want to know more about them. What exactly I'm not sure - partly because some people are more private about themselves so "important" info can be harder/take longer to find out. So it's kind of a gut feeling play it by ear deal. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I need to have some kind of physical attraction to them (and I'm sure they'd need to feel the same way about me). Assuming it's a FWB situation, I also need to know what they are looking for. If they want someone they can dominate and get what they want, then I'd politely ask them to try someone else. Similarly if they just want to lay there and do nothing, then I'd politely decline and move onto someone else. I think it also comes down to how confident you feel about getting naked with them. For some people, that's not a problem. For others where you know you're not in the best of shape, it can take a wee while to get that confidence up.
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It depends on the head space of both parties and where they are emotionally at the time, as to whether they just have an itch that can be scratched to instant mutual benefit for a hook up style connection, or whether something more emotionally satisfying is being sought, in which case a deeper chemistry and connection would need to develop.
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At heart, I'm still a child of the free-wheeling 70s, when (both men AND women) thought it was perfectly acceptable to "pick-up" someone is a bar, and go home and have sex with them mere hours later. (That IS how I met Mrs. C after all!!) These days, I'm a bit more circumspect for health reasons, but if the vibe is good, I'm still perfectly willing to go for it and see how things turn out. But is the lady intrigues me, I'm more than willing to go at a slower pace too, if that is what she needs. Because, believe it or not, I actually DO adore and respect women, not JUST the lovely package is their bodies On Growing Old Hot Times on a Friday Night What Shape are Your Boobs In [post 3312759] My Private Blog - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets
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I don't think I have to know someone all that well.... I just have to like them. That's based on a few different factors, one of which is how I'M feeling at that moment. When I was actively looking for someone to meet tho, it seemed like the important information questions (after the sexual health ones) SHOULD HAVE gone along the lines of "can you achieve an erection?" "Can you sustain your erection during intercourse?" "Are you capable of active intercourse for longer than a minute?" "Can you ejaculate?" "Do you continue interaction with your partner even without an erection or is that the be all and end all of the interaction?" You see where this is going. I've been disappointed more often than not when it comes down to naked time with a partner of my age, so "knowing" someone too well can make things a little awkward when the boinking part isn't as satisfying as the conversations are. If I think about meeting again in the future, I think I'm going to go the "Test Drive" route ^^ before too much "knowing" happens. 
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Wow, that is so much harder to answer now than it was back in the 70's! Geez...I hate to even remember some of the things I did back then. I haven't had a "just for sex" thing in years, but would have to at least have talked a bit and feel like I could like them as a person. Would need to feel a bit of a mutual attraction or it wouldn't be enjoyable. Classy, Sassy, and a little Smart-Assy Sine Metu CN
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I would need to get to know them fairly well as I expect the same would be for her. I've never been one for casual hook-ups. Believe it or not, I'm still kind of a shy guy. 
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Good question, it takes me some time I have to get to know them as they say the thrill of the "CHASE" is such a good an important thing, and yes we need to know all their sexual history, as we can never be too safe!!! Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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3/20/2018 6:45 pm |
Ya got me for sure. Yes, you're right. Determining 'crazy free' does take some time and even when you think you've got it figured out people can always surprise you. As slow as I am it does take me a fair amount of time these days.
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BiggLala replies on 3/20/2018 6:06 pm: Who is the non-blogger? I know you're not referring to yourself. You have a blog, you respond to other bloggers' posts...you're a blogger. I refuse to accept that title.  What differentiates the women you meet here from the women you meet elsewhere? I see them and can size them up so to speak. Body language can reveal a lot if you know how to interpret it. People online can easily just show their best traits. In person It's a lot easier to determine if you are physically attracted to them as opposed to just looking at pictures or video.
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3/20/2018 9:08 pm |
LaLa Asks, How do you determine that they're as excited about you as you are about them? Mostly how she looks at me and how she acts, and a little bit of what I read into it, but much less than then with most people because I am sure that all women find me basically unattractive Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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Being a curious and inquisitive person by nature (= nosey ), I would want to know a person really well before engaging in any sort of intimacy, and there would need to be a strong emotional and physical connection....... Otherwise, ye'd be as well just rubbing one off, no?
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Like "Making Love", "Have Sex" or "Fuck"; same end result but diffrent ways to aproach it, and all are equally good just a matter of Mood, timing and personal chemistry
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 Och, you are so demanding........!! Info required:- basically everything. Family, work, politics, sense of humour, level of kindness, tastes in all things, sexuality, sensuality, experiences in life generally. I need to know and trust the girl. And then, the level of trust and respect in both directions I suppose would be what determines whether I know her well enough.
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 You're not the first person to say that.......I actually once got hate mail from a girl for exactly that reason......and hey, apparently I've been known to wear a skirt!!
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Like "Making Love", "Have Sex" or "Fuck"; same end result but diffrent ways to aproach it, and all are equally good just a matter of Mood, timing and personal chemistry Yes i Have had one night stands with instant attraction just as well as the realtion has grown for month until it was time for sex... you simply can't tell since its all a matter of timing.mood,place and persoanl chemistry weather you feel its time to go all the way.... A bit OT: once in my youth i got a slap in my face from a woman ( friend of mine) in a nightclub for NOT wanting to join her for a fuck in the parking lot darkness outside...
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excluding my youth............. Now i need to know quite a lot. i want to know how they think, what they would do in certain situations, if they like women in general not just as a fuck, their relationship with their mother, if they work, do they have an animal, if they read and what they read..........all sorts of odd things that i have figured out give me a sort of window into their psyche. any yes, i know it's not foolproof. but i do a lot of talking befor ei even meet someone and i meet someone in a very public place with lots of other people around before i ever consider a private meet. and if possible, i get references...............grins You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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