The Smiths were unable to conceive
and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
"Well, I'm off now. The man should be here
soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door -to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale.

"Good morning,Ma'am", he said, "I've
come to..." "Oh, no need to explain,"Mrs.
Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good. Did you know babies
are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had
hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing,
"Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch, and
perhaps a couple on the bed. And some-
times the living room floor is fun. You can
really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee
a good one every time. But if we try several
different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased
with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to
take his time. I'd love to be in and out in
five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be
disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith.
The photographer opened his briefcase
and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he
said.

"Oh, my Gosh!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed,
grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally
well - when you consider their mother was
so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs.Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and
five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith,
her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for
more than three hours, too. The mother
was constantly squealing and yelling I
could hardly concentrate, and when
darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.

" Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean
they actually chewed on your, uh...
equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes..

Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod ?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It's much too big to
be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted