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Now you're just somebody that I used to know.
Posted:Jun 23, 2012 12:53 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4882 Views

Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. I told myself that you were right for me. But felt so lonely in your company. But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness. Like resignation to the end, always the end. So when we found that we could not make sense. Well you said that we would still be friend. But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over.

But you didn't have to cut me off. Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger. And that feels so rough.

Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over. But had me believin it was always something that I'd done. I don't wanna live that way. Reading into every word you say. You said that you could let it go. And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh

But you didn't have cut me off. Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. (oh). I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.

(oh)

I guess that I don't need that though.

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody that I used to know.

I used to know. That I used to I used to know.
0 Comments
She'll always be a women to me.
Posted:Jun 12, 2012 8:19 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4717 Views

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes. She can ruin your faith with her casual lies. And she only reveals what she wants you to see. She hides like a , but she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you. She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe. And she'll take what you give her as long it's free. Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me.

Ohhh... she takes care of herself. She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time.

Ohhh... and she never gives out. And she never gives in, she just changes her mind. she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden.. Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding. But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be. Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me.

She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel. She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool. And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree. And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,

But she's always a woman to me.
0 Comments
And so it goes
Posted:May 19, 2012 8:31 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4589 Views

In every heart there is a room. A sanctuary safe and strong. To heal the wounds from lovers past. Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones. You answered me with no pretense. And still I feel I said too much. My silence is my self defense.

And every time I've held a rose. It seems I only felt the thorns.

And so it goes, and so it goes. And so will you soon, I suppose.

But if my silence made you leave. Then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you. And you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed. It's just as well for all I've seen.

And so it goes, and so it goes. And you're the only one who knows.

So I would choose to be with you. That's if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too. And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes. And you're the only one who knows.
0 Comments
One and Only
Posted:Apr 30, 2012 6:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2012 6:25 am
4634 Views

You've been on my mind.
I grow fonder every day, lose myself in time. Just thinking of your face.
God only knows why it's taken me so long. To let my doubts go. You're the only one that I want.

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before. Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all. You never know if you never try, to forgive your past and simply be mine.

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only. Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms.
So come on and give me a chance, to prove that I'm the one who can walk that mile until the end starts.

I've been on your mind.
You hang on every word I say. Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name.
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go.

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before. Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all. You'll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine.

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only. I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms.
So come on and give me a chance, to prove that I'm the one who can walk that mile until the end starts.

I know it ain't easy, Giving up your heart.

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only. I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms.

So come on and give me a chance, to prove that I'm the one who can walk that mile until the end starts.
0 Comments
Anyone up for a bonfire ?
Posted:Mar 27, 2012 7:43 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4642 Views

I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it.. It was dark and I was over, Untill you kissed my lips and you saved me.

My hands they're strong,.But my knees were far too weak.. To stand in your arms without falling to your feet.

But there's a side of you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd said they were never true, never true.
And the games you'd played you would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

When I lay with you, I could stay there. Close my eyes feel you forever. You and me together nothing is better.

'Cause there's a side of you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd said they were never true, never true.
And the games you'd played you would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain, And threw us into the flames. Where it felt something die.
'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time!

Sometimes I wake up by the door, That heart you caught must be waiting you.
Even now when we're already over, I can't help myself from looking for you.

I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain, And threw us into the flames. Where it felt something die. 'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh, ohhhh!

Oh noooo!
Let it burn.
Oh oh ohhhh
Let it burn.
Oh oh ohhhh
Let it burn!
Oh oh ohhhh
0 Comments
Make You Feel My Love
Posted:Mar 19, 2012 11:20 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4624 Views

When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace.
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows, and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years.
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet. But I would never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met. No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry. I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. Know there's nothing that I wouldn't do.
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea. And on the highway of regret the winds of change are blowing wild and free. You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy. Make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the Earth for you.

To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love
0 Comments
The Game of Love
Posted:Mar 19, 2012 10:09 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4549 Views

Sometimes I wonder if love is real or just an illusion. A game life plays on us like 3 card monte. It looks simple enough, anyone can win. It gives us that hope, that keeps us from all jumping off a bridge. But some how life or fate or karma has tricked us. It has the deck stacked against you. Try as you might the house always wins. And you wonder if it's worth it to keep playing the game, or just cash out what little you have left.

Maybe it is better to walk away and just focus on work and other things. Love just makes your heart ache and your head spin. Why keep banging your head against a wall?


I find myself at a real cross roads. To just say "well it was fun, I guess, while it lasted. Maybe it's time to grow up and walk away from the chase or the game or whatever we call this." Have I become so old and so cynical that I am willing to give up the fight and and live with the idea of just being alone?

Have my Salad Days ended?

Tennyson said:
"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."


I have lost love a few times in my life. I often think Tennyson to be wrong. For if you never felt love, You would never know what you missed, Or feel the pain when it's gone.

So the question is:

Do I walk away a fool or a king?

Love Is a strange game. The only winning move is not to play..... How about a nice game of chess?

Going to be taking a break from meeting women. Untill I can figure them out better. This might take me some time. But thanks to Viagra, I'll be good to go when I do return. I may be 70 with no hair and few teeth. But I'll still have a huge hard-on.
0 Comments
5 dating blunders to avoid
Posted:Jun 9, 2011 1:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2011 1:58 am
4876 Views

By Dave Singleton

Guys, experts say that your date forms her opinion of you in the first few seconds. No pressure, right? Wrong. Unless you’re on a reality TV show, chances are you can’t ask for a retake when you meet your date for the first time. How can you guarantee you’ll make an impression that dazzles? Listen to the unvarnished truth from five women who reveal what turned them off the most (and the quickest) when they met Mr. Maybe for the first time. Then, follow the accompanying tips to avoid making the same mistakes these men made.

1. “He was uptight and couldn’t carry on a conversation”

“I showed up and he wasn’t even smiling — not a good sign. We’d met online and his emails were fairly engaging. But in person, he stared at the floor and couldn’t think of a thing to say. When he finally coughed up a couple of questions a few minutes later, one of them was, ‘Why’s a lady like you still single?’ I think he thought it was a compliment, but I was uncomfortable with him jumping into a question like that.”
– Mary Ann, 38, Baltimore, MD


Tip: Focus on making your date feel comfortable. That means smiling, relating to her and asking questions…as long as they are the right kind of questions. Ask about her interests and passions, but don’t pry or ask anything that will make her squirm.

2. “He brought up an ex who’d done him wrong”

“In the first few minutes, he said it was important to let me know that his last girlfriend treated him badly and that he ‘might be a little gun-shy with all this.’ What do you say after that? He then tried to smooth things over and change the subject, but my first impression was of this wounded bird that was definitely on the defensive and carried too much baggage.”
– Laura, 36, Washington, D.C.


Tip:To make a good impression, ax the word “ex” from your vocabulary. Face it: “ex” is a loaded word. There is no way to bring it up in small talk on a first date without creating an awkward moment. If you’re friends with your former paramour, she’ll have questions about your boundaries or whether you’ve really moved on. If you slam your ex, she’ll assume you have “issues” that are best dealt with in therapy or with your buddies, not on a date with her.

3. “He made zero effort with his appearance”

“If he’d just been unshaven for a couple of days, it would have been fine. An unshaven guy can look hot if he’s tended to other aspects of himself, like his clothes, hair and shoes. But my date showed up unshaven at a nice restaurant in cut-offs, hiking sandals and a sleeveless shirt. I was wearing a dress and had gone out of my way to get a manicure and my hair done. It was a bad move on his part.”
– Marlene, 35, Boston, MA


Tip: Men and women both judge books by their covers, especially on first dates. So make an effort in your appearance and, if there’s any question about attire, check in with your date before you meet so you’re on the same page. For lots of insight about this, read Undateable by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. These ladies cover just about everything obnoxious or unattractive that a guy can do to sabotage a first impression.

4. “His smartphone was glued to his hand during the entire date”

“At first, he kept checking his phone. I asked him if he was expecting a call and he said no. Then during dinner, he thumbed through his emails constantly. I kept thinking he was either arrogant or uninterested in our date. Neither was a good option, so my first impression was also my last impression. I left dinner as soon as I could and he seemed puzzled as to why I did it.”
– Linda, 34, Richmond, VA


Tip: Keep your technology toys hidden. Trust me, being a slave to some device won’t impress her or make you look important in her eyes. If you’re worried that you might miss an important message or call, let your date know that beforehand and take care of business as soon as possible so you can refocus your attention where it belongs — on her!

5. “He was late and kept me waiting in a crowded restaurant”

“We agreed to meet at a restaurant, but at the appointed time, he wasn’t there. I dislike waiting for a guy, especially one
I don’t know. And I really hate waiting for a date in a crowded public place, especially when I’m stuck there alone. By the time he showed up full of excuses, it was all about him, his demanding job and the slow cab ride. He was cute, but his lateness without calling made a terrible impression and ruined the date for me.”
– Theresa, 32, New York, NY


Tip: First dates are no time to get lax about…well, time. Show up when you say you will, and if you can’t, call or message your date as soon as you know you will be late. Not only does it demonstrate respect, but also it allows you a chance to stay relaxed so you’ll come off well during your first meeting. Flying through the door out of breath is hardly the kind of first impression you want her to have. If you do show up late, don’t compound the problem by explaining what terrible circumstances prevented you from getting there (terrible boss, awful subway, traffic jam or whatever might have happened to make you tardy). Instead, quickly adjust your attitude and focus on creating a fun evening for both of you.
0 Comments
7 signs she doesn’t love the real you
Posted:May 12, 2011 5:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2012 11:11 am
5650 Views

Some women give up looking for the man that’s right for them. Instead, they find some guy who “will have to do” and work to change him into the man they really want. After you’ve stopped dating and you’re in a relationship, that’s when the “Changer” gets to work. She may say “I love you” and really believe it, too. But she’s really in love with her idealized notion of who you could be, not who you actually are. Here are seven signs you’re dating someone like this:

1. Compromise suddenly has a new definition You like foreign films with subtitles; she likes romantic comedies. Normally, you’d compromise and take turns picking the movie. But for the Changer, this compromise won’t last long. Soon you will hear: “But I really want to see this movie!” or “I’m worried it won’t be playing by next week.” For the Changer, compromise means doing what she wants... every time.

2. Your girlfriend becomes “Our Lady of the Constant Critique” It’s OK for a woman to ask you to “dress up a bit” for a special occasion, but the Changer always has some complaint to accessorize it with, like: “Why do you wear jeans all the time?” It might not be your clothes she fixates upon, though. Marc (who has dated a Changer in the past), says, “Everyone has habits. Mine were always under attack. When people try to concentrate, some rub their foreheads. Me, I scratch the back of my head. But she kept trying to get me to stop. And when it wasn’t that, there was always something else irritating her.”

3. If you happen to disagree, you’re always wrong and she’s always right You and your girlfriend should enjoy having conversations with each other. You might disagree on some topics, but the difference of opinion should be stimulating, not aggravating. However, the Changer must convince you that you’re wrong, no matter how trivial the topic. There is only one reasonable viewpoint — hers.

4. Your friends have practically disappeared since you started seeing each other Lately, your friends don’t seem to come over very often and they don’t invite you out, either. They have opinions of their own about your girl, it seems, and that poses danger for the Changer. She’s probably doing subtle things to make your friends uncomfortable in her presence. If so, it means she’s hoping to isolate you, which makes her ability to control your life that much easier.

5. Her schedule is more important than yours Phil, who also dated a Changer, recalls, “Our first date was a movie that I wanted to see on a Saturday, but she wanted to go to the Tuesday showing. So, Tuesday it was, then. She wanted to catch the early show; I explained I’d be working outside the city that day and I’d have to fight rush-hour traffic to make it on time — and rearrange my schedule. But, I agreed to it. It was hard, but somehow I managed to arrive early. She showed up late. I wish that had been our first and last date!”

6. Trivial things become vital to her happiness Your girlfriend asks you to stop leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor, which is reasonable. But does she insist you order something to share every time you go out to dinner, too? Does she insist on taking her car to nice restaurants because yours is dirty or has a visible dent? If she complains about every little thing before and during your dates, then she’s a Changer. The next time she insists you order something off the menu that’s not to your liking, try changing your choice of dinner companions instead. You’ll be happier in the long run.

7. In your relationship, support is a one-way street When she needs your support, you always deliver. But somehow, it’s different when you need something from her. Her support usually comes with conditions attached or is followed by long, dramatic sighs. Whatever’s wrong, a Changer will point out that it’s probably all your fault, and sympathy is always absent.

By Steve Bowden
Steve Bowden is a freelance writer who contributes to Happen magazine.
1 comment
Where are the adults on this site?
Posted:Apr 17, 2011 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2011 9:29 am
4860 Views

I must say that the main problem with Hookup.Date Naughty Affair Dating is the lack of adults on the site. Too many people here act like . When I joined the site many years ago I had hoped to meet and have fun with adults. Kinky adults maybe, but adults for sure. What I have found is far too many who need to grow up. They have petty jealousies and live off gossip and rumor. If you are not part of the inner circle, steer clear. Because you will only get burned.

It's really sad. We lead such busy stressful lives. You think people would learn to act decent to one another. But yet here we are. One person says something about another. Maybe It's a misunderstanding of the facts, or an out and out lie uttered for revenge of a perceived offence. A jealous lover who sees you chatting with their girl.

In any case the group thought starts rolling. Like a snowball down hill becoming an avalanche of false statement and false judgements. The person is then given an undeserved reputation that he or she can never overcome. Because once made, the judgement of the group is final. There are no appeals, no room for debate. That person is scum and won't be aloud to join in any reindeer games.

These people need to learn ethics and respect for one another. There are right and wrong ways to act on here. I would have thought these ideals were common sense. But I find that there is "no honor among thief's", or pervs for that matter. When people get into these kinds of relationships they should workout problems privately. If a dispute develops between a few people they should work it out as adults. Like an unwritten rule of adult behavior. Perhaps that should be written down or maybe even taught in school.

However to my surprise many feel the need to go all reality show. To launder personal relationships and conflicts in public chat. To sway the group against others. The sad part of this is when the group or just members of the group go along with the drama. Picking sides and spreads the false statements that ostracises the other party.

"Why can't we all just get along?"

I guess it's a power thing or maybe people just have not reached a mature level to handle these adult interactions. A site like this can cause so many wild and outrageous allegations. A miss interpreted statement can become a firestorm. A causal flirt can turn in to a war of words that escalates beyond reason. In the real world when disputes arise between two parties they can seek a judge or impartial arbiter to settle the argument amicably. Here too many relay on casual friends to join in ridiculing the other.

In the end it just stirs up more problems and more anger. Sex and love are two of the most powerful human emotions. When not handled with care they can lead to hate and mistrust. Two other very powerful human emotions.

This writer is no angel. I'm not perfect and I have had my share of missteps along the way. But I've always held to my belief that private matters should stay private. They should be worked out by the parties involved and not opened for general consumption. Once a problem enters the chamber. It take on a life of it's own. It grows wildly out of control and hurts too many people. People who weren't even part of the original argument.

So what's the answer? What should we all do? Well I have my own moral beliefs and ethics that I try to live by. But I would hope that we could all agree that problems should be dealt with in private. That we all should understand that this is a place that can be great fun or can cause a great deal of pain.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

We should always have respect for each other and try our best not to harm one another. Sex and Love are fire. When you play with them, just know you can get burned. Accept that and handle it like an adult and not a . After all should never play with matches.

Agree to disagree. Just don't carry that into public forums.

There are many regulars here who spend most of there time online. They have developed long time relationships. They trust in others for that reason alone. Never questioning what they are told. Some miss use that to distort the true facts of events. They cast big shadows in the rooms. I had faith in many of them. To be fair judges of who I am. But I suffered my own Ides of March this month. I learned how many are not merely spectators of the show but are willing participants and contribute to assassination of my already wounded character.

I was sad to see the short path taken by them. The rush to judgement that is made before hearing all sides. Or even staying out of things without passing along the rumor or false statements. You can not say "I'm not involved" when you repeat a false statement to others. Repeating those makes you involved.

"There's no compromise with the truth."

That's all I got the floor to say. You'll see what man's carved out for himself - After centuries of fighting for something better than jungle law.

Fighting so he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent. Like he was created. No matter what his race, color or creed. That's what you'll see. There's no place out there for jealous or lies. - Or compromise with human liberties.

If that's what the so called grown-ups have done with this site - Then we need to do far better, by each other.

It's not too late. This is bigger than any small insignificant problems I have had here. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here. You just have to see them.

Many times I have tried to speak up for myself or others. I have been shot down without mercy and have lost faith in peoples ability to do the right thing. To do no harm. All the good in this world came from fools with faith like that. I don't have much in this world, but I do have is my honor. I have always tried to live by right and wrong and, to do no harm.

I guess this is just another lost cause. All you people don't know about lost causes. Someone once said, they were the only causes worth fighting for. And you fight for them for the only reason any man ever fights for them.

Because of just one plain, simple rule: Love thy neighbor. In this world full of hatred a man who knows that one rule has a great trust.

You know that you fight harder for the lost causes. Yes, you even die for them.
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You think I'm licked. You all think I'm licked. Well, I am not licked! I'll stay and fight for this lost cause. Even if this room gets filled with lies like these -

- And the bullies and all their armies come marching into this place. Somebody will listen to me. Somebody.
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A lot of us are going to be mighty ashamed of ourselves after tonight. We certainly didn't give that man much of a chance.
0 Comments
The Name Of The Game
Posted:Apr 11, 2011 7:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2011 7:05 am
4620 Views

Only a week since we started. It seems to me, for every time I'm getting more open-hearted.

I was an impossible case. No-one ever could reach me. But I think I can see in your face, there's a lot you can teach me. So I wanna know..

What's the name of the game?

Does it mean anything to you?

What's the name of the game?

Can you feel it the way I do?

Tell me please, 'cause I have to know. I'm a bashful , beginning to grow.

And you make me talk. And you make me feel. And you make me show. What I'm trying to conceal. If I trust in you, would you let me down? Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you? Could you feel the same way too?
I wanna know.. The name of the game.


I have no friends, no-one to see. And I am never invited. Now I am here, talking to you. No wonder I get excited.

Your smile, and the sound of your voice, and the way you see through me. Got a feeling, you give me no choice. But it means a lot to me.

So I wanna know..

What's the name of the game?(Your smile and the sound of your voice)

Does it mean anything to you? (Got a feeling you give me no choice)

But it means a lot, what's the name of the game? (Your smile and the sound of your voice)

Can you feel it the way I do?

Tell me please, 'cause I have to know. I'm a bashful , beginning to grow

And you make me talk. And you make me feel. And you make me show. What I'm trying to conceal. If I trust in you, would you let me down? Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you? Could you feel the same way too?

I wanna know.. Oh yes I wanna know..


The name of the game.(I was an impossible case)

Does it mean anything to you? (But I think I can see in your face)

That it means a lot. What's the name of the game?(Your smile and the sound of your voice)

Can you feel it the way I do?(Got a feeling you give me no choice)

But it means a lot, what's the name of the game?(I was an impossible case)

Does it mean anything to you? (But I think I can see in your face)That it means a lot.
0 Comments
Careless talk
Posted:Apr 6, 2011 12:11 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4565 Views

Careless talk. That's what you heard about me.

Jealous talk. That's what I heard about you. Everybody's telling lies. I don't even know why. Why can't people find something better to do.

Careless talk. I don't believe what they say. I heard them talk. They say you've been putting me down. In the shadows on the phone. They won't leave us alone. They've been talking ever since you came around.

Careless talk. Telling you I'm doing wrong.

Jealous talk. Follows wherever you go. I'm aware of what you heard. Every terrible word. Everybody's making believe that they know. All of the intimate things that we ever might have said. In the heat of a passionate moment. In a conversation shared for the ears of nobody else. There are some things they will never hear. There are secrets I'll never tell.

Careless talk. Going around on the streets.

Jealous talk. I know how bad it can be. Let them stand where they fall. They don't know us at all. All that talking won't make a difference to me.
0 Comments
Why a breakup feels like a punch in the stomach
Posted:Mar 29, 2011 4:24 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:39 am
4497 Views

By Linda Carroll

We’ve all been there. A lover, out of the blue, says it’s over. Suddenly there’s a stabbing sensation in the chest, or a wrenching of the gut. Though there’s been no physical damage, it really hurts.

Scientists now know why we feel as if we’ve been physically wounded when the hurt is emotional. A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that the same brain areas spark, whether we’re experiencing physical pain or deep emotional distress.

“It means that the expression, ‘My feelings are hurt,’ may be more than just a metaphor,” says the study’s lead author, Ethan Kross, an assistant professor in the psychology department at the University of Michigan.

Earlier scanning studies had shown that the brain doesn’t see any difference between the negative emotions elicited by physical and emotional pain.

But Kross and his colleagues wondered if they could explain the actual physical pains people feel when they experience rejection.

The researchers rounded up 40 people who had been dumped by a lover within the previous six months – so the pain of rejection was still fresh.

For the first part of the experiment, the 40 were touched with a hot probe while they lay in a brain scanner. The probe wasn’t hot enough to burn, but it did hurt. “It’s akin to holding a really hot cup of coffee without the little guard to protect your hand,” Kross says. “You wouldn’t want to do it forever, but it doesn’t burn you.”

For the next part of the experiment, study volunteers were again scanned, but this time they were asked to concentrate on a photo of their ex-lover and to think about the break-up.

The same brain areas lit up whether people were being touched by the hot probe or they were mentally reliving their rejections. Some of those areas were the ones that are involved in processing negative emotions, but other areas -- those that help us sense physical pain -- also lit up.

Kross suspects we’ve evolved to feel actual pain at separation because way back when humans were on the savannah they needed to stay connected. Being alone was dangerous -- you’d be more of a target for the wandering saber-toothed tiger.

“One of the most negative things to happen, in terms of survival, is being excluded from the group,” Kross says. “So the feeling of physical pain would be a powerful cue to pay attention to what you’re doing.”
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