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Blogs > babysgotblueeyez > Life as I Know It

3am  

babysgotblueeyez 60F
678 posts
2/8/2009 1:11 am

Last Read:
5/21/2012 11:24 pm
3am

Why is it that I'm wide awake at 3am? I'm at a loss for a good reason so I'd have to go with I had to pee and haven't been able to fall back to sleep. I'm feeling rather contemplative and wondering if I'm following the correct path in life....Specifically with regard to relationships and self care....Relationships because mine is rather stagnant and nothing appears to be changing with that any time soon. I dislike having an ongoing relationship via telephone and only seeing my S.O. once a month or less. I can't recall the last time we knocked boots or spent any significant time together without a purpose (like Xmas with the family or a holiday party). I've voiced my displeasure about these things and nothing changes. I'd really LOVE to have a relationship where I actually SAW the other person once or twice a week and we were able to do things together and enjoy some time together. I'm a pretty touchy person in that I like to hold hands, snuggle on the couch, etc and the S.O. is opposite of me in that regard. It's not like I expect a full on make out session in public but holding hands or an arm around the waist is something I welcome.

As far as self care goes, I had a follow up with the PA about my medical status and we had a "Come to Jesus" type conversation. While I've lost some weight, my A1C is hideous, moreso than it was a few months ago. When I found out the result, I said something like "You're gonna kill me" to the PA and her response was "I don't need to, you're taking care of it all on your own." That was kind of frightening. So I've been really focusing on adjusting my eating habits and monitoring my blood sugars 4 times/day. I really don't want to leave my babies without a mom.
Don't let your past dictate who you are but let it part of who you will become.

~Blue~

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