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Blogs > mia_coy > Catch Me if You Can.........

thoughts.....  

mia_coy 49F
131 posts
7/1/2014 3:18 am
thoughts.....

tonight before i laid down i did like i always do and took bear out so he could do his thing... i was sitting there on the steps to the building like i always do and let him wander around in the courtyard grass. tonight was a little different then some of the nights that i am sitting out there. becaquse of sad news that i got tonight i figured that this would be a good time to send my prayers up.
i guess that you could say that i have been kind of blessed in my life despite all that i have been through. one of my mom's high school best friends lives not to far from hutch and they literally have been my adopted family since i moved here to ks in 07. there isn't a holiday or special event that goes by that i haven't been invited to, and the majority of the time mom and i would spend all those holidays and special events with them. barb & dean i have always called mom & dad, and their youngest of 3 daughters brandy has always been my sister.
no matter what i have gone through i have always had their support, whether it was just a phone converstation or a hug, or them staying with me for the last day/night of my mom's life so i wouldn't be alone. brandy and i have been the ones that have always looked after the mom's. both of them. and through out the years because to me they are family i have done whatever was asked of me to do.
earlier tonight before i took bear out i got a phone call, my cell was in the other room so i didn't hear the initial call and it was from mom, she left a voice mail and it didn't sound to good. so of course right then i started to feel a little bit of panic set in. i called back to find out what was going on. tonight we found out that she is in renal failure, about 3 weeks after easter she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and has been hospitalized twice in the last 6 weeks. shortly before the diagnosis of the congestive heart failure she saw the kidney specialist and he told her that it was one of her meds on why what ever blood test they gave her that ran high.
right now i am so angered with that kidney doctor because he didn't seem to do enough. if he would have been more agressive in her care this might have been prevented right now. i know that i am not a doctor but this is what my mind is telling me.
i know that i am going to loose her and that makes me very sad. i know that the pain and medical problems she has will be gone when i loose her and that i will be thankful for but it just hurts.
it feels like i am re-living last year with the losses that i had then and i don't know if i am going to be able to keep myself together. i have always believed that you are never given more then you can handle but when is this heartache that i seem to continually have to go through end.

as i was sending my prayers up tonight while sitting on my building stairs it seemed like i was being told that they were being heard with the beautiful light show that was going on through the sky. i could smell the rain in the air even though it hadn't started to come down yet and as i was looking towards the sky i did get to see something that i hadn't seen in a long time. out of the corner of my eye i saw a yellowish green flash so i diverted my eyes towards the ground over the court yard and i had to watch for a few minutes before the lightening bugs started to flash again

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