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Confessions of an Ugly Duckling  

secret_lade 49F
14127 posts
2/7/2021 5:20 am
Confessions of an Ugly Duckling

True story.... Once an ugly duckling, always an ugly duckling in the back of your mind.

I was the awkward Irish girl who grew up being raised by grandparents with ideals and beliefs from another era.

I sported red hair with bad haircuts, giant ears, and super pale skin.

Talk about the total package!

At some point we grow up and those big ears aren't so big anymore..... And, we're capable of choosing our own hair styles and clothing.

But that mindset remains.

I once asked my grandma if she thought I was pretty and I'll never forget her answer.

"Well, you're no beauty queen."

I hadn't said anything, but I was devastated by her answer. I knew what I saw when I looked in the mirror, but for some reason I had hoped that others were able to see something different....

I hoped wrong.

Eventually I grew up, and what I lacked in beauty I gained in personality.

The funny thing is.... As a grown up, I wasn't all that ugly anymore.

My hair wasn't quite so red and my freckles had faded..... The pale skin was still pale but with the miracles of make-up I no longer looked like a serial killer in the making.

The problem is, as a grown up, I still feel ugly.

When I catch a man looking at me, I feel judging eyes and the insecurities spring forth.

How does my hair look? Can you see my ears? Why is he looking at my outfit? I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt today... What was I thinking??

Once an ugly duckling, always an ugly duckling in the back of your mind.....

So, I'll bet you're wondering what this little duckling looked like as a , so here you go folks.

Time for the big reveal.



Second Grade 1981

Happy Sunday

secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
3/10/2021 3:59 am

Isn't it though...


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
3/10/2021 3:58 am

    Quoting ShovelHeadFLH72:
    I am very partial to red haired women.
    Freckles are a plus. I am sure you grew into a very pretty, very special woman. Thank you for your story. I hope you have developed all the self confidence you need.
Thank you, that was a kind compliment.


Inthewildxxx69 40M

3/7/2021 12:48 pm

Interesting


ShovelHeadFLH72 105M
45 posts
2/28/2021 9:06 am

I am very partial to red haired women.
Freckles are a plus. I am sure you grew into a very pretty, very special woman. Thank you for your story. I hope you have developed all the self confidence you need.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/20/2021 3:51 pm

    Quoting Ultraviolet_Sol:
    Point #1. Recent studies show that men are attracted to women with freckles. The reason: they find them non-threatening?

    Point #2. I find red hair and freckles very sexy. (+) You are a taurus. As am I.

    Point #3. I read through the entirety of your blog and...

    I think I love you.
Oh my goodness... The whole blog?? That must have taken some time, I've been writing here off and on for a few years.


WilmingtonFun137 42M
285 posts
2/19/2021 7:40 am

If we are convinced we are ugly in our youth, that never goes away. It's sad, but true. And yeah, many men, myself included, like red hair and freckles. But there is always that voice in the back of the mind saying, Nah, not really, I'm not the sexy beast people say i am.

You see light dappling on the water and forget the deep, cold dark beneath.


Ultraviolet_Sol 43M
622 posts
2/18/2021 5:39 am

Point #1. Recent studies show that men are attracted to women with freckles. The reason: they find them non-threatening?

Point #2. I find red hair and freckles very sexy. (+) You are a taurus. As am I.

Point #3. I read through the entirety of your blog and...

I think I love you.

*. *. *


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/17/2021 4:27 pm

    Quoting  :

Well thank you! You know, back in the day, the bloggers on here used to organize get-togethers so people could come together and get to know their somewhat local writers in real life.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/14/2021 2:47 pm

    Quoting 306krusty:
    from one ugly duck to another. remember the end of the story.
The beautiful swan....


306krusty 55M  
115 posts
2/14/2021 10:57 am

from one ugly duck to another. remember the end of the story.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/12/2021 2:27 am

    Quoting  :

Thank you, I needed that.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/12/2021 2:26 am

    Quoting fashionablegma2:
    We are all different,that is what makes us individuals otherwise it would be a boring life all looking the same.I was too low on self esteem for many years,my mother was not kind to me.
    For those we think look beautiful,some have low esteem,too,think the older i get the more comfortable i have become with myself and have woken up to make up and fashions in later life to use as advantage to me
You're right.... The older you get the easier it is not to dwell on the things that bother you. I try to focus on my positives, even when I'm not feeling all that wonderful.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/12/2021 2:20 am

    Quoting  :

There are so many of us that feel this way..... It's tough when you look in the mirror and all you see are your flaws.


fashionablegma2 80F

2/10/2021 8:10 am

We are all different,that is what makes us individuals otherwise it would be a boring life all looking the same.I was too low on self esteem for many years,my mother was not kind to me.
For those we think look beautiful,some have low esteem,too,think the older i get the more comfortable i have become with myself and have woken up to make up and fashions in later life to use as advantage to me


topherific 61M
5209 posts
2/9/2021 2:20 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    She always has been my little twin, except with brown eyes. And, as is, huh.... It's been a while since you've seen me last. I may look like I crawled out from under a bridge somewhere....
COVID has been hard on us all


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/8/2021 3:49 am

    Quoting KX450F2016:
    I felt like a duckling then and still do. However looking back at my high school pictures, I don't think I was that bad. I didn't have any luck with girls back then and was told on occassion I was ugly. So that has stuck with me. I did manage to finally get laid when I was 23 tho. As for your picture, I don't see an ugly duckling. Thank you for posting. It's nice to see a face even if it's your young face.
I have 'kind of' posted some face pic's on here.... It's tough when I work with the public, and about 250 coworkers. Chances are, there's probably a person or two that frequent this site who I do work with, but the position I hold within my company frowns on this kind of stuff, so I'm careful.

Sometimes confidence can be the best thing a man can possess. Update your look and eye glasses... Square off those shoulders and sport that confidence.... You'll be surprised what a difference it makes.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/8/2021 3:37 am

    Quoting topherific:
    your daughter looks just like you at the same age, as for you, i want you, as is, less clothes maybe
She always has been my little twin, except with brown eyes. And, as is, huh.... It's been a while since you've seen me last. I may look like I crawled out from under a bridge somewhere....


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/8/2021 3:28 am

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    There's nothing ugly about you McLade. Nothing. You have beautiful eyes, gorgeous smile, a body to die for. But above all else, your personality is stunning! I bet you were a beautiful wee lass too!!
You're always so kind to me.... Thank you!


lindoboy100 61M
23969 posts
2/8/2021 2:39 am

There's nothing ugly about you McLade. Nothing. You have beautiful eyes, gorgeous smile, a body to die for. But above all else, your personality is stunning! I bet you were a beautiful wee lass too!!


topherific 61M
5209 posts
2/7/2021 7:16 pm

your daughter looks just like you at the same age, as for you, i want you, as is, less clothes maybe


KX450F2016 55M
193 posts
2/7/2021 4:24 pm

I felt like a duckling then and still do. However looking back at my high school pictures, I don't think I was that bad. I didn't have any luck with girls back then and was told on occassion I was ugly. So that has stuck with me. I did manage to finally get laid when I was 23 tho. As for your picture, I don't see an ugly duckling. Thank you for posting. It's nice to see a face even if it's your young face.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 3:25 pm

    Quoting lonlyforlove2:
    Pictures of all of us when we were young look different . They look different as we had a different mindset back then, we look at them now and see it different. A waste! To waste such youth on the inexperienced. As you grew older you understood what beauty was, it is not only the color of your hair , the texture of your skin but the total package. That one as real people see you. Some people think that one has to be of a "Barbie Doll shape to be beautiful, Far from this is real beauty. The inner beauty out shadows most of some ones physicals features that you see as a negative.
    Just Smile, your grandmother wasn't wrong, she just didn't understand what a beauty queen can be..
    And by now you should know guy don't look at ugly girls, It is the beauties that catch our eyes..
    Hope you are well , have a good and just be safe..
I wish I'd known things then, that I know now. I t would be nice to go back and tell our past selves that it will turn out ok.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 3:21 pm

    Quoting Apollo602021:
    My mom told me I was an ugly child when I was born!
Newborns usually are... Comes with the territory of being housed inside a human for 9 months. Once they get past the baby acne stage.... They are so cute. I have a friend that legit looked like an onion until she was about 3 months old. Once her hair started filling in, she was a beautiful little baby. Lol


hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
2/7/2021 2:42 pm

    Quoting SingleInGR:
    WOW, I am sorry to hear that Hippiechick1976, that is aweful that your mother would tell you that.

    What she being honest or telling you that to be hurtful? Though it does not matter what the answer is, it was still wrong to say to a child especially your own daughter!

    How sad is that, that you have no photos with your father.

    Be it intentional or not, sometimes parents and others can hurt us in ways they do not know and the scars can be lasting for ever to us to deal with.

    I hope that your relationship with your mother is better now that you are older and that your father grew up.
I don't know what my mother's motivation was for telling me that but it affected me badly. I decided to reconcile with my mother now that she is elderly, but I never saw my father again.

Elevate me...


hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
2/7/2021 2:34 pm

    Quoting  :

It really doesn't matter if it was true or not- I question her motivation in telling me such a thing.

I like my read hair now, finally now that it's graying, lol.
I always wanted a dad that adored me and thought was a princess. *sigh*

Elevate me...


hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
2/7/2021 2:27 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    My mother was like that as well.... Neither of my parents had the want or ability to be good parents. I knew early on that she'd only gotten pregnant with me so he would marry her. When the marriage fell apart her hatred of me surfaced. I've only seen my dad a handful off times since I was 9, but it's ok. I learned from them how not to be.
My parents didn't care either. My father was already married to another, and left her because he got tired of the responsibility. So he met a younger chick (enter my mother, 17) and she made the mistake f popping out the babies too. He left when I was 5, and I saw him 2 more times in the next 25 years, both times accidents. I don't know if he's dead or alive right now.

Elevate me...


Apollo602021 63M

2/7/2021 2:27 pm

My mom told me I was an ugly child when I was born!

Please become an Apollo602021 blog follower!


lonlyforlove2 81M
32704 posts
2/7/2021 12:21 pm

Pictures of all of us when we were young look different . They look different as we had a different mindset back then, we look at them now and see it different. A waste! To waste such youth on the inexperienced. As you grew older you understood what beauty was, it is not only the color of your hair , the texture of your skin but the total package. That one as real people see you. Some people think that one has to be of a "Barbie Doll shape to be beautiful, Far from this is real beauty. The inner beauty out shadows most of some ones physicals features that you see as a negative.
Just Smile, your grandmother wasn't wrong, she just didn't understand what a beauty queen can be..
And by now you should know guy don't look at ugly girls, It is the beauties that catch our eyes..
Hope you are well , have a good and just be safe..

Stop by at lonlyforlove2
also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow
Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker"
also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:48 am

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I don't see an ugly duckling ... That post took some courage.
Thank you.... I got the idea at work on Friday. One of my friends had shown me a meme of herself as a kid with a bad hair cut, and I showed her my pic, but by then an audience had accumulated. It was my Work BFF who had told me I looked like a serial killer in the making and another one who had to take a second look because "that JUST doesn't look right." I had sat back and thought about it for a while and decided, I think I need to write about this.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:40 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Hmmm... 😊 Cute! 👍
    Having seen your ADULT pics, I think you're doing fine... REALLY fine! ❗❗😎🌹

    Although... did you know that ears and noses are the two parts of your body that NEVER stop growing? 🤔
Thank you.... And, I did know that about the ears and nose. I think feet do too, cause mine certainly are.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:37 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I'm gonna tell you, if you catch a guy looking at you it isn't because you're ugly or poorly dressed, it's because he is wanting you. One glance at an unattractive woman and our attention moves on. My son had monster size ears as a child, but he grew into them.
I'll have to remember that.... My first instinct is always insecurity, especially now that I've put on some weight. My Olive Oyle days are a thing of the past. My daughter was the only one to inherit my ears.... She was bald until she was two and had giant ears. In burger king one time, an intellectually challenged woman once loudly exclaimed....

Look at her ears! That baby has big ears! She should marry Pinocchio!!!!

My poor Spawn... Lol


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:29 am

    Quoting big54al:
    It looks like you have green eyes, always a great combo with red hair
They're color changing.... Depending on what I'm wearing or how I feel. They can be green, they can be blue, I've seen them grey.... Most of the time they are a greenish blue. The other day my daughter was all freaked out because one was green and one was blue and she didn't like it. It bona fide scared her a little.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:25 am

Thankful flannel.... I still see an alien, but it's good to know not everyone does!


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:23 am

Well thank you! 😁


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:23 am

    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    You were adorable.
    I'm sorry your grandmother didn't tell you that.

    My mother told me my father left because he couldn't stand my red hair.
    That I was so ugly he refused to take a picture with me, so there are none.
    Can you imagine?
    These adults should realize the havoc they wreak with us.
    With love from a fellow ugly duckling.
My mother was like that as well.... Neither of my parents had the want or ability to be good parents. I knew early on that she'd only gotten pregnant with me so he would marry her. When the marriage fell apart her hatred of me surfaced. I've only seen my dad a handful off times since I was 9, but it's ok. I learned from them how not to be.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:18 am

    Quoting citizen4722:
    You look cute as a button in that photo
    This is me at 5 years old:

    [image]
Oh my!! Look at how cute you were! You look like you're about to go get into some mischief!


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:16 am

    Quoting SingleInGR:
    I enjoyed your narrative Secret_lade as I felt the same way for many years as I was not what I would call a 10 in everyone else eyes and my parents did not bring us up with the latest clothing line, top brand name shoes, latest records, video games or the latest greatest tv, radio cable tv or high school spring breaks to Florida.

    They were conservative, not in style and thus we as kids were not either.

    I thought for years I was as well a duck.

    Though I did not care if I dated or not in high school, I look back and think I probably would not have had one if I wanted one with my insecurity of feeling like my looks and lack of new latest greatest clothing would attract no one to me.

    Later in college I found that my looks were not so bad to others as I aged and I did manage to go on dates and found more confidence in myself.

    Like you were saying about your appearance changing while getting older as we all do ( though your school photo does not show a duck to me as I think it is a nice photo )

    My personality shined though and I had flocks of people wanting to be my friend and women even started approaching me in my 30's.

    I now have a confidence to know that I may only be average looking to some, a high 8-10 on some other peoples scales but when I engage in conversations with others they see a more mature me, I don't think looks are all they see anymore.

    As with most everyone, I am sure that your knowledge and wisdom shine though more then you know and that is also a big part of what others will see ... how you carry yourself, how you act, your kindness toward others or lack of, your human empathy or lack of, how you treat others and how you would want others to treat you.

    I know for myself even though I have not dated in a few years a person I would want to find for a one on one or a long term relationship does not have to be a 10 on the outside but sure has to have a good heart to be with me.

    Maybe I got off track there rambling but I felt my thoughts flowing so I started typing lol

    THANK YOU for letting us all see whom you were and read about whom you are now.

    Have a great Sunday and wonderful upcoming week.

    : )

    p.s. Quoting Janet Jackson - In complete darkness we are the same, it is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you.
When I became a teenager, my personality started coming into its own. I was smart, and funny, and observant. I have a laugh that is very unique and very infectious, draws people in and makes them want to know more. It took quite a few years to outgrow my shyness, though. It was through work I was able to overcome that.... I knew if I wanted to get anywhere I had to be able to speak up and be heard. It was also where I gained confidence.

I'm glad you took the time to write all this today.... I like to get to know my readers too. I'm glad I got to hear your story.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:04 am

    Quoting seems6666:
    Teenage angst... we all had it I'm sure... Yes, your ears are a bit big but you have lovely shaped eyes and colour.
    My best friend at school had acne and was name called and it got her down.. I was overweight... her acne went.. might weight didn't!
    You just have to make the best of what you've got and sod everyone else
I agree 100%. Make the best of what You have and go with it.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 11:01 am

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    You were not and still are NOT ugly! You have lovely hair, absolutely gorgeous eyes and your ears seem to fit you perfectly now. As Massass pointed out, sometimes our body parts grow at different rates and don't always fit at all times. When I was growing up my mom seemed to think it was necessary to tell me I looked like a monkey when I was born and for several years afterward. And she didn't mean it in a nice way, either. She thought I was ugly.
I really think there was something harsh about that generation. My nicknames were Witchie Poo, Olive Oyle, and Little Meanness. I grew up hating my freckles because "eh, the freckles make you look dirty." I knew I would never do this to my own kids, and I didnt. When my middle son was younger, he went through a several year chubby phase and became quite self conscious. I nipped it right in the bud any time I would hear him put himself down. More than once I said. ...

Hey! Don't ever let me hear you say that again! You are smart and funny and amazing no matter how you feel of think you look. How you look today isn't going to be how you look one year from today. You are JUST as good as everyone else.

And, now he's a marine, soon to be leaving me. Now he's confident as well.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 10:46 am

    Quoting  :

Thank God for the fact that tastes and opinions are all over the place. I tend to crush on the guys who like to talk, who have thoughts and opinions based on educated notions. That was what drew me to the Hippie.... We would talk for hours. I know I wasn't his type, and he certainly wasn't mine, but it never mattered. You grow to see someone in a new perspective.


pagancountrygirl 66F
6466 posts
2/7/2021 10:02 am

You were not and still are NOT ugly! You have lovely hair, absolutely gorgeous eyes and your ears seem to fit you perfectly now. As Massass pointed out, sometimes our body parts grow at different rates and don't always fit at all times. When I was growing up my mom seemed to think it was necessary to tell me I looked like a monkey when I was born and for several years afterward. And she didn't mean it in a nice way, either. She thought I was ugly.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


seems6666 53F  
4838 posts
2/7/2021 9:06 am

Teenage angst... we all had it I'm sure... Yes, your ears are a bit big but you have lovely shaped eyes and colour.
My best friend at school had acne and was name called and it got her down.. I was overweight... her acne went.. might weight didn't!
You just have to make the best of what you've got and sod everyone else


SingleInGR 56M
360 posts
2/7/2021 8:52 am

    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    You were adorable.
    I'm sorry your grandmother didn't tell you that.

    My mother told me my father left because he couldn't stand my red hair.
    That I was so ugly he refused to take a picture with me, so there are none.
    Can you imagine?
    These adults should realize the havoc they wreak with us.
    With love from a fellow ugly duckling.
WOW, I am sorry to hear that Hippiechick1976, that is aweful that your mother would tell you that.

What she being honest or telling you that to be hurtful? Though it does not matter what the answer is, it was still wrong to say to a child especially your own daughter!

How sad is that, that you have no photos with your father.

Be it intentional or not, sometimes parents and others can hurt us in ways they do not know and the scars can be lasting for ever to us to deal with.

I hope that your relationship with your mother is better now that you are older and that your father grew up.


SingleInGR 56M
360 posts
2/7/2021 8:40 am

I enjoyed your narrative Secret_lade as I felt the same way for many years as I was not what I would call a 10 in everyone else eyes and my parents did not bring us up with the latest clothing line, top brand name shoes, latest records, video games or the latest greatest tv, radio cable tv or high school spring breaks to Florida.

They were conservative, not in style and thus we as kids were not either.

I thought for years I was as well a duck.

Though I did not care if I dated or not in high school, I look back and think I probably would not have had one if I wanted one with my insecurity of feeling like my looks and lack of new latest greatest clothing would attract no one to me.

Later in college I found that my looks were not so bad to others as I aged and I did manage to go on dates and found more confidence in myself.

Like you were saying about your appearance changing while getting older as we all do ( though your school photo does not show a duck to me as I think it is a nice photo )

My personality shined though and I had flocks of people wanting to be my friend and women even started approaching me in my 30's.

I now have a confidence to know that I may only be average looking to some, a high 8-10 on some other peoples scales but when I engage in conversations with others they see a more mature me, I don't think looks are all they see anymore.

As with most everyone, I am sure that your knowledge and wisdom shine though more then you know and that is also a big part of what others will see ... how you carry yourself, how you act, your kindness toward others or lack of, your human empathy or lack of, how you treat others and how you would want others to treat you.

I know for myself even though I have not dated in a few years a person I would want to find for a one on one or a long term relationship does not have to be a 10 on the outside but sure has to have a good heart to be with me.

Maybe I got off track there rambling but I felt my thoughts flowing so I started typing lol

THANK YOU for letting us all see whom you were and read about whom you are now.

Have a great Sunday and wonderful upcoming week.

: )

p.s. Quoting Janet Jackson - In complete darkness we are the same, it is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you.


citizen4722 66M  
74582 posts
2/7/2021 8:40 am

You look cute as a button in that photo
This is me at 5 years old:

[image]


hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
2/7/2021 8:04 am

You were adorable.
I'm sorry your grandmother didn't tell you that.

My mother told me my father left because he couldn't stand my red hair.
That I was so ugly he refused to take a picture with me, so there are none.
Can you imagine?
These adults should realize the havoc they wreak with us.
With love from a fellow ugly duckling.

Elevate me...


thinkingofyou12 67M
4690 posts
2/7/2021 7:55 am

You look just Ducky, Lovely


flannel_light 61F
4586 posts
2/7/2021 7:53 am

I see a little girl who is beautiful.

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


big54al 69M
2259 posts
2/7/2021 7:27 am

It looks like you have green eyes, always a great combo with red hair


mc_justmc 63M

2/7/2021 7:12 am

I'm gonna tell you, if you catch a guy looking at you it isn't because you're ugly or poorly dressed, it's because he is wanting you. One glance at an unattractive woman and our attention moves on. My son had monster size ears as a child, but he grew into them.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
2/7/2021 7:01 am

Hmmm... 😊 Cute! 👍
Having seen your ADULT pics, I think you're doing fine... REALLY fine! ❗❗😎🌹

Although... did you know that ears and noses are the two parts of your body that NEVER stop growing? 🤔


CUMHANDLEME 61F  
794 posts
2/7/2021 6:42 am

I don't see an ugly duckling ... That post took some courage.

Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/7/2021 5:41 am

There is hope for us Ducklings out there.... If Mrs. Wolowitz could manag to find a husband, there's surely a guy to meet our needs as well.


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