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Blogs > Brandy090782 > The Psychic Who Saw It Coming

Marriage Therapy Does Not Help If Both Partners are NOT Honest  

Brandy090782 41F
25 posts
1/27/2020 2:29 pm
Marriage Therapy Does Not Help If Both Partners are NOT Honest
I think marriage counseling is a waste of time and energy. What are your thoughts? Heres what I think of it and how it hinders any progress that has been made, whether it has been a couple of days to years.

So once i found out about my husband's many indiscretions, he suggested we go to therapy. For what? lol, you have the problem, not me, not we, YOU. I didn't break any code of ethics, You did. Why should I sit and listen to you lie to a 3rd party? If you cant be honest with yourself, wife, friends, why would you be honest with someone else? You won't.
So he says that his therapists and others told him I should just get over it cause he hasn't done anything wrong in over a year or so. Like really? Who would say that?

No one wants to go to therapy to dig up old wounds but yet, we still have some triggers. Depending on the day, those triggers might actually come out and questions come to ahead. I am over it but I dont trust him. How is being honest and asking questions wrong? If the shoe were on the other foot i guarantee it would be questioned.
Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
1/28/2020 3:19 am
    Quoting Brandy090782:
    I agree with you that therapy would help in all situations. BUT, Both have to be honest or it will not work.
Funny thing about being honest and people who get married.

Usually people get married within a year , to maybe two years. This is a fatal decision because this is still within the infatuation period, that can last up to 3 years without a birth. A birth would extend infatuation another 4 years.

So , "Being honest", within this period , with each other, won't work. They're infatuated. They're love drunk.


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
1/28/2020 3:12 am

 Life long marriage is a waste of time and life-energy. But that's another thing.

Yes, marriage therapy is a waste of time and energy....after you're married, after something happens.

If getting married is a persons goal, the best time to get therapy is "BEFORE" they and their spouse-to-be signs the contract. At least a year before the wedding day. But nobody wants to do that because they are in love, and , as these love drunk people like to say, "Our love is unconditional. " .

That is , until something like this happens. Then there is a condition on love, as there always is anyway.

... People don't think about the psychology of a life long commitment, and really, for their own good, they should.


pacnwlover42 55M
9808 posts
1/27/2020 8:34 pm

 I agree. He is the one that made a bad decision. I wish you the best.
Funny women are incredibly sexy!


dogslife2live01 71M
Ask me for a photo

1/27/2020 5:57 pm

 totally agree why do therapy when your mind is all made up? the only question would be why is she still your husband?
there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity


justaguyinalaska 57M
879 posts
1/27/2020 4:14 pm

 People lie continuously and reflexively. Perhaps you are exceptional (ie, unconditionally truthful), but most people are not even honest with themselves, much less with those with whom they interact. To my mind, the more important question is "why are they lying?". Therein lies the foundation of character. You could be pathological liar (Topic A is Donald Trump), incapable of telling the truth even when it doesn't matter. Or you could simply be following Hemingway's *code* and lie to avoid causing pain or trouble to those around you (the more common *white lie*).

Communication is the only pathway to sort through all this. My experience is that most people are inadequate communicators. A good marriage counselor is a facilitator, capable of poking and prodding people into talking...which is a start and over time can be productive. To be sure, talking can create more problems than it solves. But even if you're moving in opposite directions, I believe a kinetic relationship is preferable to stasis because motion provides clarity in people's intentions and a basis for deciding whether to stay or go.


Flashhhotrod 58M
21 posts
1/27/2020 3:56 pm

 Agreed , glad your in here fir real therapy


benard69 66M/66F

1/27/2020 3:18 pm

 That beautiful face and smile would make things all better...


Brandy090782 41F
6 posts
1/27/2020 2:59 pm

 I agree with you that therapy would help in all situations. BUT, Both have to be honest or it will not work.


KimInMelbourne 58F  
22 posts
1/27/2020 2:46 pm

 Well put.
Kim
Central Florida/Melbourne


Brandy090782 41F
6 posts
1/27/2020 2:35 pm

 yeppers...


shadowtoo69 69M  
1056 posts
1/27/2020 2:34 pm

 By the time most couples go to therapy they are already past the point of no return.


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