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This is powerful insight. A relationship is only as strong as it is, not what it could be through wishes. But I disagree, in part, with your conclusion. You can give a fuck; just recognize no one can be saved from themselves. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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Let me see if I can dig deep on this: Love yourself, first. A nice sentiment, and not a bad mental image. But, the sentiment more correctly recognizes the need to start at Point A rather than Point Z. The Universe is a mash of coincidences and finding a perfect delta of need, want, and opportunity is very nearly impossible. So, naturally, we try to force it when we find two out of the three. (Thanks, Meatloaf!) Doing so only sets up the inevitable failure of getting to Z because we gave up on all the letters before it. As for the Savior thing: not every broken wing will mend, those who walk on water often drown, or [[insert confusing and witty metaphor here as if it is a bit of pretentious wisdom]]. You said it best: let them handle them. You have need and want, opportunity will find its way if it is right that it should do so.
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12/1/2020 7:48 am |
I have a friend who tells me she is emotionally unavailable. I used to try and fix things for others but I can't fix anything in reality. I will never know exactly what another person thinks and feels because I can never be them. I sure don't pretend to know anything but you can like and be there for someone because in my opinion empathy goes a long ways . Just be You and let it flow
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You are fascinating. I enjoy learning about you. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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Deep thoughts, hmm? While we think we are “all the same”, there is so much subtle variation among us, together with so many challenges in each of us genuinely understanding ourselves and in effectively communicating ideas across different perspectives and biases to genuinely understand others, that it probably will always be a significant (seemingly-Herculean, in the less-positive moments?) challenge. I find the question about those who appear to have found that connection comes back to are they just “making it work”, even when it doesn’t on many levels, in order to satisfy real or perceived internal and/or external requirements. I remember an older married couple in the neighbourhood where I grew up, who, it turns out, hadn’t slept in the same bed for many years. Has the divorce rate these days is so much higher than, say, 50 or 60 years ago, because we’ve bought in to, or been heavily marketed in to, believing we can have it all? That couple found a way which worked for them (and yes, I understand the role of the religious underpinnings of society as well as gender-opportunities inequality, keeping up appearances, and who-knows-what-other considerations as some of the contributors to choosing a path), rather than ditching it to find something more like “the ideal” - an ideal which also changes over time for an society. Of course, many of those who suggest we can “have it all” do so in order to make a buck, whether it’s a movie ticket all the way up to therapy or fertility treatments. I try to look at that in deciding whether I should listen to their argument. The short answer probably is - it [still] ain’t easy (thanks, Long John). Try to help others where you can, but find some happiness for yourself, even if it’s not in achieving “the ideal”. It sounds like you have developed an understanding of ways in which you set yourself up for probable-unhappiness, which is also useful and important. The other half is understanding what does make you sufficiently happy. Perhaps that is part of where the old adage “take time to small the roses” comes from. Or ... in the end, life is only a contest with yourself, not with others ... ? -- allgud69xxx Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..  Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox
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One day I would like for us to sit down and chat about life, the universe, and everything.  “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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You've struck on exactly why I won't date anyone who's separated. Emotionally unavailable, savior seeking, and unstable are what I've discovered beneath the surface. One can only suffer so many battle scars before avoiding that struggle altogether. Recognizing a savior complex and putting a halt to the behavior takes a fair amount of self-awareness, so kudos to you. It can be so seductive though, particularly when you feel the need for validation. 'You're the best thing that's ever happened to me' were the words that ultimately resulted in my buying a woman a rather nice house. They're also the words that will most quickly make me run like Forrest Gump when a woman utters them. Many examples in my previous blog entries, including the one who cried over how well I treated her. As for your thoughts on how to read that passage, I'd be disappointed if you approached it in any other manner. Would you find it odd that your use of the word 'gesticulating' stirred a bit of tumescence in my nether regions? Women who use polysyllabic words...yes, please.
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12/3/2020 10:40 am |
Your savior complex is not a bad thing if you are able to recognize if you are being taken advantage of. As far as being with or loving someone that is emotionally unavailable, I don't see how that is a problem as long as you are willing to accept the person and be open and honest with yourself.
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Indeed Angel.  “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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