HEART OF A SLAVE
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Posted:Jul 11, 2008 2:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2009 1:24 am
2338 Views
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The heart of a slave is one that does possess many qualities.
The slave’s heart is first and foremost submissive & obedient by her very nature.
Why?
Out of the love & respect for her Master or Mistress, as well as out of respect for herself.
The heart of a slave is to please those whom she serves with every fiber of her being. The slave lies loyal to her heart, and her heart is her Master.
The heart of a slave is to keep herself adequate & fitly pleasing in the sight of all she encounters. The slave’s words are fitly spoken & edify those with whom she speaks.
The heart of a slave is strong, but never so strong that it usurps the authority of a Master. But it is strong nonetheless, for what good is it to the Master if His heart worries over hers?
The heart of a slave is her very essence. It is her, personified. It is her magnified. It is the pleasure of her Master, and the love she feels toward Him. It is the reflection of her love & respect for Him and all that He stands for.
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Traits of a true Master
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Posted:Jul 5, 2008 9:59 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2008 2:46 pm
2614 Views
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Traits of a good Master
Not all Masters possess all of these traits. However, they do reflect what is within a true and successful Master. (This list should not be considered all inclusive)
Acceptance: Acceptance of your self worth, your needs, desires and what you possess within your soul. Acceptance of your limitations and those of the slave that is in your charge. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings, and especially to accept your own shortcomings. Accepting what being a Master is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within, but happy in ones own mindset.
Communication: The ability to talk and freely discuss things, is an integral part of any relationship. This is essential within the relationship between a Master and a slave. A Master should have the skills to communicate his needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits, or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the Master. Once communication is open, it should remain that way -- provided the Master does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate, is to endanger yourself and your slave physically and emotionally.
Compassion: The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your slave's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of issues within reality that can, and do, affect a slave physically, emotionally, and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your slave from serving to the best of his abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your salve, supporting him during times of stress, shows that you are truly a well-rounded Master. One who realizes that a Master and a slave are people too. Without compassion you are not a Master, only a sadist.
Courtesy: Courtesy is the ability to show proper manners -- pleases and thank you's. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A Master should always show courtesy to his slave and other slaves around him. Just because you are a Master does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This also includes courtesy to your peers.
Grace: legance in the manner a Master presents himself is an important and desirable personality trait that many slaves say they prefer. The way a Master carries himself, his style of play, no matter how graphic, should still flow with style and grace. His actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted, or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, then the Master should be willing to learn and grow in this area.
Dominance: This is the most important trait in a Master. It is the inherent natual ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well-being.
Honesty: Honesty is the ability to speak up, to be open and truthful about what you say. A Master doesn't hide his emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas, thoughts, etc. A Master doesn't tell his slave what he thinks the slave wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And, without trust there is no true relationship. A successful Master is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he speaks. Most importantly, a Master is honest about his level of experience -- to lie is to endanger the very life of his slave.
Humility: Humility is the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a Master. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. A successful Master knows he will make mistakes, that he is not perfect. A successful Master is always open to learning new things, gaining new experiences, and he does not harbor a "I know it all attitude". This brings into play "bullying". Bullying is using your status as a Master to push around your slave without any thought for his well-being. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A Master who consistently bullies his slave will turn the slave away from him and lose the respect of his peers. Bullying shows lack of humility, and can also mask a poor sense of self-esteem or a possible abusive person using the "lifestyle" to hide his abusive nature.
Intelligence: Intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the "toys" inherent in the "lifestyle" before using them on another person. The willingness and ability to research an learn about BDSM itself. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of domination and submission, to learn him as the person that he is, his likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases his slave and to remember those things. The successful Master should take the time to know the physical as well as the psychological tools of domination, along with some basic psychological aspects of his slave. There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant Master trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool tht requires maturity, intelligence, and skill.
Loyalty: This is a very important trait in a successful Master. It is the ability to uphold your personal honor and remain true to any agreement(s) between you and your slave. Fickleness is a very unattractive trait in a Master, and dangerous to the emotional well-being of the slave who serves him.
Patience: A successful Master has patience. The ability to wait for things. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a slave to learn all the intricacies of serving you, and to have patience to teach your slave what you prefer.
Pride: Pride is the ability to know your capacities, and realize that you are not only a good person, but a good Master. Pride is the ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas, nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults, or weaknesses, or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing. Arrogance, or false pride, can be deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the slave.
Respect: A successful Master will show respect at all times, until such time as the slave proves he is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful Master does not earn the respect of his peers or the slaves around him. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.
Self-Respect: A successful Master values himself, and respects his own limits. A bully does not thrill a slave. A solid sense of self-worth is a necessity for a successful Master. Lack of such can cause serious damage to the slave's psyche. This, however, does not mean you should act like you are the universe's gift to domination or BDSM.
Service: A successful Master serves his slave by and through his domination of him. By intelligently applying his dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of his slave, the successful Master mutually serves the slave. A successful Master remembers that without a slave, there is no such thing as a Master. To receive the submission of a slave is a precious gift. The successful Master will therefore cherish that gift, and do his best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to the exchange of power relationship.
Basic guidelines
Be Patient: Until you enter into a contract with your slave, you have no more right to order him around than does anyone else. Give your slave time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness, or lack thereof, that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the dungeon or playroom.
Be Humble: You maybe God's gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are -- and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a BDSM scene.
Be Open: Although the Master is classically to be the teacher in BDSM, you can always learn from your slave, no matter how inexperienced he may be. Be willing to learn from other Masters who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach the "familiar" with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has his own personal style.
Communicate: You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, health information, etc. Engaging in BDSM without this knowledge is like playing Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and your view of BDSM with your slave, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before a scene starts. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and conditions. Do not take for granted that your slave instinctively knows the ground rules.
Be Honest: If you lack experience in an area that your slave would like experiment with, be honest about it. Your slave has the right to know that! Be honest with yourself and take your slave only to those levels at which you are completely competent in. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how "hot" a particular scene is.
Be Sensitive: There is a very fine line between a sensitive, caring Master and a self-righteous, insensitive, overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs, desires and fantasies and your slave's needs, desires and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your slave is serving you, what actually is happening is that the Master and slave are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your slave and never violate, or even threaten to violate, that trust. His submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Be Realistic: End the scene with the slave wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy and what is "real-world". Your favorite porno may be stimulating, but don't try to imitate them to the last detail -- it never works out right.
Be Healthy: BDSM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants - both active/dominant and passive/submissive - be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affects your response and endurance during a scene. Don't attempt to do BDSM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a Master, you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of "drugs and alcohol don't affect me that much ... I can do it anyway" violates your slave's trust in you and can be dangerous to both you and your slave. If you don't want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!
Have Fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative BDSM play.
Obligations to a slave
A true Master understands and accepts the following.
To be a good Master, you must know what it is to have been a slave.
Above all else, a Master must always;
- listen to his slave,
- be in complete control of himself and
- have the ability to dominate himself before trying to dominate his slave.
Have an intimate understanding of the slave's psychological makeup.
Establish a climate of confidence with his slave.
Never subject a slave to unwanted suffering and respect the slaves limits without question.
Never place a slave in a situation where his life or health is in danger.
Be acutely aware of all changes to your slave, physical, physiological, emotional or behavioural. A Master must be willing to adapt to the effects of events in the personal and professional lives of their slave.
Never place your slave into a situation where he may unknowingly be at risk. By definition, a Master is obliged to ensure that his slave not be put in danger or forced to perform services against his will. A Master must look after his slave's best interests.
A slave must be given a personal, private area where he can rest and recouperate as necessary. A slave must never be used as a trophy to be displayed, degraded and humiliated in front of others without his prior consent. Tact and discretion must always be demonstrated with respect to BDSM games, whether they be Hard or Soft.
The Master must accept the slave's right to terminate the relationship based on breaches of an agreed upon contract or a mustual understanding.
The Master must respect a slave's free time and always understand the slave's right to end or pause a session at any point. This is not something that can be negotiated. A slave can demand a break by using previously agreed upon "safe" words or simply by saying something like, "Time out Sir." or "Enough Sir.".
Brain-washing or creating a situation of total dependance of a slave on a Master is never acceptable.
A Master must excersise his power in accordance with the wishes of his slave.
A Master must follow his slave's progress and direct his development within BDSM. Recognize and understand his slave's strengths and weaknesses. Work as a team to overcome those weak points ensuring to respect the slave's limits.
If during a scene the slave seems to be in a state of panique or inappropriate discomfort he must be immediately released without regard to its impact on the scene's development. Care for the slave's physical and psychological needs. Masters are encouaged to do role reversals. Playing this way can reveal more of eachother's desires and preferences which can be used in future scenes. A slave acting as a master will behave like the master that they would like to have and vice versa.
A Master must always know that he is as much in service to his slave as his slave is to him. Your eyes are the "windows to your soul", know who you are what you are feeling and know that your slave reads you through your eyes. Feeling confident and sure of yourself will build your slave's trust and confidence in you.
Know that having the trust and confidence of your slave forms the basis of a building a strong and intimate relationship between you and your slave.
Non-consensual humiliation and degradation of a slave, publicly or privately is never acceptable. Even if normally these actions would be acceptable, provided the slave expresses discomfort verbally or otherwise.
In the event that a Master wishes to take a slave as his own, If the slave accepts this arrangement, the Master and slave must complete a formal contract to indicating their desire to form this bond.
Masters must demonstrate their willingness to share their experiences with the other Masters. Be willing to learn from the experiences of others for the good of all.
By respecting these obligations, the Masters can be assured of their own enrichment and development as well as those of their slaves and will never push or be pushed beyond their actual limits.
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What is BDSM?
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Posted:Jul 5, 2008 9:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2008 3:58 pm
3085 Views
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What is BDSM?
BDSM is the acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sado - Masochism. There are many books out there that define it for us, so I will save you from that, however, I would like to attempt to clear up some misconceptions. One of the most important myths I would love to correct is the one where people think that what we do is sick. Since the beginning of time, anything that is not understood is bad. Some don't take the time to research to better understand what it is - instead of seeing this as what it is, a deep trusting relationship that is full of caring and understanding, they see is as wrong, evil, demeaning, uncaring, dangerous, dark, satanic, or hateful.
Limits - hard and soft
There are different types of limits. Limits are those things that are harmful - either physically or mentally. Limits can be for the dominant or the submissive. Most of the time, we hear of limits and associate them only with submissives, but there are dominants that have them, too.
Hard limits are the limits that are non-negotiable; things that would cause us mental or physical harm, or that are illegal and get us in trouble. For example, involving a is something that is commonly a hard limit. In order to remain safe, sane and consensual, all parties have to be consenting adults. For someone that has been , a role play fantasy may not be something they can handle. Other common hard limits are scat play, blood play, anal play, and water sports. Not everyone has the same ideas and limits, that is
why negotiations and communicating is so important.
Soft limits are those limits that we want the dominant to try to push. There are many soft limit possibilities. It could be that restraining someone is a limit. After a relationship of trust is developed, then you can try pushing the limits.
The important thing to do is find out what your submissive's fears and concerns are through a negotiation process. Having someone fill out a play list is an excellent way to get started in effective communications and get on the right road. There is a sample play list included for you to use. This is designed as a tool for you to use and not to be used as your sole method of communication.
Also, complete the checklist more than just once. Complete the checklist right after you first meet. Then complete the list a month later and the results are amazing; the a lot of the items that were a "no way" changed from no to yes. One of the reasons for this is that a trust had been established and I knew that he would not harm me. Note you don't say hurt me, because spanking sometimes does hurt, but it's a pleasurable hurt with no harm done.
Limits are not things that you just don't like, i.e. cooking, cleaning and pumping gas. A dominant could have a limit of eating your cooking, but that is for his health.
Sex and scening
Is there a difference between sex and scening? Do you have to scene when you have sex? Do you have to scene when you have sex. Scening can be defined as a session with a dominant and submissive, where there is D/s play involved. It can include bondage, discipline, domination, humiliation, corporal punishment, teasing, or torture (erotic torture - not anything harmful).
Well, I guess you would need to define sex. I will define sex here as sexual intercourse between the parties. Sexual intercourse would be further defined as genital to genital sex. So, with that definition, the answer is No - you can have one without the other. They are two separate things and that is not to say that you can't do both.
There are some people that do not have sex at all with their D/s partner at all. There are people that are married to 'nilla people and practice D/s with an outside party. There are a lot of people online that are real, but there are a lot that are not. Use caution when meeting someone new. HAVE and use a safe call; and do it more than the first time you meet. Your safety is very important.
Polyamorous relationships
Is it possible to love more than one person? Well, do you love your mother and your father? Do you love each of your ? Yes, it is possible to love more than one person. You love them each differently - not more than the other, just in different ways. You love each of them for their strengths and their good qualities.
This type of relationship is not for everyone. After spending the past year in a polyamorous relationship, I know what works for me. Every person needs to evaluate what their fears and concerns are and know what they are getting into before they get started. People have feelings and it's not fair to get started in a relationship that you know is doomed from the beginning.
For the man that is wanting to have a relationship with two women, know that it is something that they have to want, not just you. They have to be friends and be comfortable, without feeling the pressure of making it work for you.
Once they are friends and you are ready to take the relationship to different level. That is one of the hardest steps. The next step is not easy either - keeping in going.
There has to be some sort of "pecking order" in order for things to work. There has to be two primary relationships for things to work their best. For our relationship, You are His number one and she is YOUR number one. There has to be something that you only do with the primary submissive that will keep her from jealous.
Jealousy - is there room for it?
Put simply, NO. There is not room in this lifestyle for jealousy from anyone whether there is one or more than one other person in the relationship. This lifestyle is built on trust - with trust, there is not jealousy. If there are fears or concerns, it is your responsibility to voice those concerns to get them out in the open. Do not let them fester inside and hide them.
Toys - finding things around your house
Looking around the house, you can find a lot of fun implements of pleasure or pain (or both). Start out in the kitchen and you can be there a while. Look in your utensil drawer to start, try out the wooden spoon, spatula, hand held flat strainer, and turkey baster. Those can be worth hours of fun. Also check out the laundry area and get the clothes pins - these can be great fun. A little piece of advice, if you are using wooden clothes pins, be careful when placing these on the labia. The moisture of the genitalia can soak into the clothes pins and cause the pin to stick to the skin when you try to remove it. This was a scene ruiner for me once, since it was more pain than she could handle. A plastic clothes hanger can imitate a cane with intensity and feel.
Looking for something to use for restraints? Try panty hose, that is what was first I used on mine. You have to be careful not to tie them too tight or you can cause problems with the circulation in the hands. These are not the ideal item to use, but they will do in a pinch.
Collaring - what does it mean?
For some, wearing a collar in the D/s scene is the equivalent of a wedding ring to a vanilla relationship. Wearing a collar is a way to let others in the scene know you are taken. However, there are people that wear collars that are not in a committed relationship. They wear the collar for a variety of reasons. Some wear it as a fashion accessory, to accent what they are wearing.
When approaching anyone wearing a collar, show respect to both the submissive and the Dominant. If you are not sure of the significance of the persons collar, then ask. Here are a few clues to look for: if the collar has a lock, that means they are owned and are in a committed relationship. If there is a locking collar without a lock, they are a masterless/domless submissive. If the submissive is wearing a collar that buckles, then that is saying they are a wearing it as a fashion statement and they are probably not in the leather scene.
Wearing a lockless collar is dangerous for the submissive. They are making a statement offering themselves to anyone that wants to "grab them up". This also applies to those with leashes. If a submissive is wearing a leash that is dangling, they are offering to let anyone take it and them. This statement is allowing anyone to anything to them. If the submissive is holding the leash in their hand and the handle is facing outward, means the same - anyone can take it.
For someone that is wearing a leash and it is in their mouth, in their hand facing toward them, or tucked in their pocket with the handle all the way in are not available for anyone to pick up, take or touch.
Safety - before, during, and after
As I write this, a dear friend of mine just told me that she met a new dominant and he her. She feels guilty and feels that she asked for it. She did not ask to be forced to do anything to him, especially on a first meeting. They were supposed to be going to a restaurant for coffee. He ended up taking her to his business and locking them inside. He forced her to perform oral sex, the forcefully had vaginal intercourse with her. He attempted to have anal sex with her, but she stopped him.
Before you meet, make sure you have information about him and let him know that someone else has it and knows how to find you. Bad things do happen to people, and it could be someone you know, or it could be you
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What is a Master
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Posted:Jul 4, 2008 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2008 4:00 pm
2607 Views
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I don't know it all and sure as hell don't have all the answers, but now and then something strikes a cord and I get a thought running through My head I can only let go of if I write about it.
Lately again, people have been speaking about Masters and how they do things and what is it to be a Master and so on, In the interests of keeping this down to a moderate post lets just deal with o/l today even though these same things are just as true for r/t..
Now while nothing can be totally o/l if you really live it and believe in it, there could be a reference to r/t now and then.
I have heard people say, "ooh yeah, he is a master, he knows how to crack the whip and get them going", That alone is not a Master. Also I think most of Us with an IQ above that of the common houseplant can agree that simply capping your name just don't make it so. Neither does having a harem of half assed kajira because the so called Master spends more time on cyber sex and serves than on teaching and caring for them. Does keeping the kajira speaking in third person make you a Master? Nope. How about demanding karta's or serves? Wrong again. Is whipping them the sign of a Master? Sometimes it is warranted, But a True Master usually does not have to. If He truly is in Control a simple displeased look will be more painful than any cyber whipping ever given.
So what is a True Master, What are traits of a True Master?
When a True Master begins trying to teach a kajira, it is not a short term thing. It is a major commitment and one He will not accept if not ready to follow through with it. He will have to be commited in devoting just as much time to her as she is to Him.
The True Master will at times have to set His own wants and needs aside to do what He believes is best for the kajira, At times this may bring resentment from the kajira and O/others. But if He believes it is her/his best interests then He must ignore this and allow it to slide off His back.
A True Master does not restrict to try to prove He is a Master, Anytime you feel you must prove it you have already failed. It is done to set in motion a carefully thought out plan which will lead the kajira down the path you want her on. At times a True Master may even have to release a personal, regardless of how painful it may be for them both to teach her something or to refocus her because she may have strayed off course.
A True Master remembers that the actions of the kajira under His care are as much His to His credit or His fault as they are the kajira's. Because if He is teaching her as He should be then she will not be so apt as to lose course. Many will disagree with this, But I feel it has merit and I stand by it, We will simply have to agree to disagree.
A True Master learns the kajira that He works with, He can not teach what He does not understand. Therefore He must learn who it is He is dealing with. He must spend the time and listen and watch, If He is smart He will assign work such as planned essays which will cause her/him to explain who it is she/he is and wants to become. He must learn likes and dislikes, fears and doubts, hopes and dreams, but remain Honorable and True to Himself to only use this knowledge to aid her/him, Not to hurt or emotionally blackmail them.
A True Master knows that only a fool attempts to break the spirit of a kajira. You must bend their will to your own, But the spirit should be preserved. Breaking the spirit leaves a hollow shell, You can bend their will and still protect the spirit of them. One of the greatest injustices a Master can do is to rob the kajira of their spirit, taking away the very thing that would have kept them excited and unique.
A True Master must be true to Himself and what He is, This not always convenient nor fun and sure as hell is not always popular but it is a must. He will demand the same of the kajira, Because only if she is true to herself can she/he truly enjoy their proper place and not mislead themselves into attempting to be something that they are not.
Of course this is but a small potion of what it takes to be a True Master of Gor whether you only live it o/l or r/t or both. But it seems to Me in My own opinion that there are those who do not even understand this few basic and needed qualities and concepts.
Gorean Realm
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To link to this blog (RariusSaphrar) use [blog RariusSaphrar] in your messages.
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