birthday jokes
|
Posted:Jan 23, 2014 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2014 11:21 am
8055 Views
|
since its my birthday I figure I would post birthday jokes
The Boss
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
Birthday Gift
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck.
She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.
And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
partytime
|
Posted:Jan 11, 2014 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2014 4:12 pm
7750 Views
|
January 25th.....there is greet n meet being hosted by myself and kandygurl....at 50's lounge 8pm.....we will be celebrating life along with birthdays (mine include) hope you can join us!!!!!
for any info please let me know
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Few xmas short jokes to get you in the mood ......
|
Posted:Nov 11, 2013 6:55 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 2:18 pm
6778 Views
|
Anyone who believes that
men are the equal of women has
never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
On the eighth pain of Christmas,
Chuck Norris sent to me
Eight tears a-sulking,
Seven teeth a-spitting,
Six punch a-hitting,
Five painful swings,
Four dying herds,
Three dead men,
Two knuckle shoves,
And destruction with only one knee.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Joke - 10 things not to tell your girlfriend
|
Posted:Oct 18, 2013 6:50 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2013 6:13 pm
6759 Views
|
10. Come on, who's gonna find out?
9. I promise you wont choke.
8. Can I get you in the pooper?
7. Trust me, I'm a professional.
6. Well, your sister likes it like that.
5. Wow look at the ass on her!
4. Now why cant your boobs be that big?
3. I gotta poop.
2. Oh you forgot to shave today too?
1. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Joke - Top Ten Halloween Things that sound dirty
|
Posted:Oct 10, 2013 9:37 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2013 5:35 pm
5755 Views
|
Top Ten Halloween Things That Sound Dirty
10. She’s a goblin.
9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag… Oh! your having a great night.
7. Just get on your knees and bob your head.
6. She’s got a nice couple of pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it will last longer.
4. Show me your Jujubes and I’ll show you my Zag Nuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff.
And the number one Halloween thing that sounds dirty but isn’t is…
1. He’s got candy spread out on the floor.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
naughty joke - the stuck vibrator
|
Posted:Sep 19, 2013 6:25 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2013 5:41 pm
6207 Views
|
A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.
She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."
"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "
 
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
|
which condom would you use.................
|
Posted:Jun 29, 2013 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2013 4:13 pm
6044 Views
|
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...
General Electric: We bring good things to life!
AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone.'
Bounty: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?
Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....
M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'
Chevron: use them? people do.
Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border
MCI: for friends and family
Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter
Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are
United Airlines travel pack: Fly United
The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
Wendy Condoms: Where's the beef?
Denny's Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam
Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!
Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!
McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served
Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities
Burger King: Have it your way
Dairy Queen: We treat you right
AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
This is a list of rules that gals wished men knew......
|
Posted:Jun 25, 2013 8:34 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2013 9:33 am
5443 Views
|
1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)
7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.
15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew.....
|
Posted:Jun 24, 2013 5:11 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2013 8:29 pm
5463 Views
|
(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Joke for all the father's out there for father's day....
|
Posted:Jun 8, 2013 8:32 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2013 4:26 pm
5381 Views
|
The Toy goes to......
Dale had won a toy at a raffle. He called his together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
"Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
|
JOKE- a man at the beach
|
Posted:May 20, 2013 10:37 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2013 4:27 pm
5389 Views
|
One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.
But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.
Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"
The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."
He soon falls asleep.
Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.
Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (atod23) use [blog atod23] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
131
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
