Trip to Vegas
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Posted:Mar 2, 2006 9:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2006 8:24 am
1966 Views
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"
Yet another amusing little thing I found and am sharing here with all who choose the read it.
Maiden's Lucky Elf
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OMG!!!
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Posted:Mar 2, 2006 8:33 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1879 Views
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A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes."
To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.”
The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says.
"Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said.
"Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry.
The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?"
The woman replies, "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"
Yes, another one I found and thought worthy of sharing.
Maiden's Lucky Elf
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KINKY!!!
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Posted:Mar 2, 2006 7:43 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2006 9:12 pm
1945 Views
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Blindfold me dear
Lead me to the bed
And lay me down
Handcuff my hands to the bed frame
And do my ankles also
Now what do you want to do
Mmmmmm let’s see
Attach the nipple clamps
And turn them on low
Start to drive me crazy
Take the feather and dusting powder
Apply it teasingly
Make me quiver
Take your tongue and taste me now
More feather more tongue
Take our whip and spank me
Not too hard but not too soft
Spank me spank me I’ve been bad
Then massage it Darling so it doesn’t hurt so bad
Then one more time because I was really BAD
Now take out all the toys
You know which ones you want
And you know where to put them
Do what you want with me
I’m your plaything
Tease me Lover
Place the toys where you want
Make me scream with pleasure
Place one in my ass
Place one in my pussy
Drive me crazy
Are you there
Or did you leave
All I hear is
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Will he come back
Or will he leave me alone
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Is all I can hear
Mmmmmmmmm feels good
Come back Lover come back
Need you need you bad
Touch me Darling
Fuck me fuck me
Make me cum
Are you there Lover
Do you hear my pleas
Can you hear my moans
Can you hear my cries of delight
Come back Lover
Fuck me Lover
Long and hard
Slow and fast
Make me cum
FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME
Now the question to you is
Did he come back
Did he fuck her brains out
Or did he just leave her
Alone with her toys
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Lucky Elf’s Maiden
Copyright© March2006 by Maiden
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sexual exhaustion
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Posted:Mar 1, 2006 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1823 Views
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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
Yes, yet another one found adrift, and put here in a cheap attempt to get more people viewing the Maiden's own work.
Maiden's Lucky Elf
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Did it hurt?
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Posted:Mar 1, 2006 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1826 Views
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Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
Yep, here is another one for your enjoyment found drifting thru the net.
Maiden's Lucky Elf
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Real Horny
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Posted:Mar 1, 2006 1:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1757 Views
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This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?"
She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before."
So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"
Okay here is another one I found floating around in cyberspace, enjoy.
Maiden's Lucky Elf
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oooooooooooooo Toys aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Posted:Mar 1, 2006 10:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2006 8:24 am
1736 Views
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Toys toys toys
Toys to please
Toys to Tease
Toys to make you cum
Where are they
Tease me
Please me
oooooooooooo aaaaaaaaaa
Please me
Tease me
Went to a site
And oh my what a site
Every shape
Every size
Long ones, short ones, skinny ones, fat ones
Tease me
Please me
oooooooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please me
Tease me
Order my toys
Lots and lots
Big and thick
Quick and fast
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm going to feel good
I can tease me
I can please me
ooooooooooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pleasing me
Teasing me
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Man how I hate to wait
Snail mail so slow
Wait' wait, wait
Next time go next day air
Cant tease me
Cant please me
Argggggggggggggggggggg
Cant please
Cant tease
Where are my toys
Need my toys
Want my toys
When will they come
Need, Need, Need
Waiting to tease
Waiting to please
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Waiting to please
Waiting to tease
Happy happy Dance
Their here Their here
Going to play
Going to feel good
mmmmmmmmmmmm ahhhhhhhhh oooooooooooo
I teased
I pleased
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
hope you enjoy
Lucky Elfs Maiden
copyright© March2006 by Maiden
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... the one that's sucking ...
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Posted:Feb 27, 2006 12:48 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1838 Views
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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Here is yet another one I found and am sharing, I hope you enjoy it.
Maiden's Elf
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HA! Who needs Viagra
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Posted:Feb 27, 2006 11:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1756 Views
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Yep, here is another one I found quite amusing and worthy of sharing.
Maiden's Elf
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The Queen & the Blow job
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Posted:Feb 27, 2006 10:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1849 Views
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The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
As long as they are still out there and I continue to find them I'm going to continue to share them here
Maiden's Elf
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I'm coming!
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Posted:Feb 27, 2006 9:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1796 Views
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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.
The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!"
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
Yes, I found another one to share with everyboy here in blogland.
Maiden's Elf
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V.P.
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Posted:Feb 24, 2006 2:04 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1778 Views
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One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three . I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
Yes, it is yet another one I found.
Maiden's Elf
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Shared Bed
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Posted:Feb 24, 2006 11:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1808 Views
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Is there any end to these things out there to be found?
Maiden's Elf
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To link to this blog (rm_elfandmaiden) use [blog rm_elfandmaiden] in your messages.
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