|
The Genie 10/25/2007
A recently wed couple are out playing golf one afternoon.
About midway through the round, the wife slices a drive
off the tee, out of bounds, towards some houses lining the
course. The couple hears the sound of shattered glass and
run to investigate. They find a shattered glass door, and inside, a shattered
vase, and a dark skinned man standing in the middle of the
room. Upon entering, the man ...
3 Comments, 322 Views,
14 Votes
,5.86 Score
|
|
Halloween Party 10/25/2007
A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go
to the Halloween party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was
no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he
took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it ...
4 Comments, 194 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
VooDoo Penis 10/25/2007
The VOODOO PENIS A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business
trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep
her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.
The man there said, "Well, I don't know that I
have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks,
except...the Voodoo Penis!" The husband said "The
what"? The man repeated "The Voodoo ...
2 Comments, 79 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Involuntary Muscular Contractions 10/25/2007
A professor was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular
Contractions to first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject,
the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do
you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having
an orgasm?
She replied, "He's always down at ...
7 Comments, 142 Views,
38 Votes
,1.49 Score
|
|
Barbie doll 10/23/2007
A man walks into a toy store to buy his young daugther a birthday
present. He sees a stand full of barbie dolls in the window.
He asks the assistant how much are the dolls in the window
the shop assistant looks at him and says they are all different
prices. Beach barbie is $19.95, honeymoon barbie is 19.95,
punk barbie is 19.95, rock'n'roll barbie is 19.95,
barbie is 19.95 and divorce barbie ...
3 Comments, 155 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
The need for Quality 10/22/2007
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. in the course, please see ...
1 Comments, 57 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
Pennance 10/22/2007
A group of catholic school girls were going on a field trip,
but their bus crashed and they all died. Being good catholic girls (no such thing in real life)
they all go to heaven and line up outside the pearly gates.
Saint Peter opens the gates and starts to call the roll...
"Mary" he calls. "Here" replies
Mary. St Peter asks "have you ever touched a penis?"
"No" answers Mary, ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Ladies, what...... 10/20/2007
Q: Ladies, what does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: It means you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
11 Comments, 136 Views,
40 Votes
,2.52 Score
|
|
Of course ! 10/20/2007
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumor!
8 Comments, 156 Views,
37 Votes
,1.38 Score
|
|
Hot, hot hot ! 10/20/2007
It's just too hot to wear clothes today, " Jack
says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money, "
she replied
8 Comments, 133 Views,
38 Votes
,1.25 Score
|
|
So happy ! 10/20/2007
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
9 Comments, 128 Views,
36 Votes
,0.91 Score
|
|
Why? Aw yea ! 10/20/2007
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
Because a vibrator can't mow the fucking yard.
17 Comments, 130 Views,
39 Votes
,1.45 Score
|
|
Men & Dogs !!! 10/20/2007
WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
So they won't hump women's legs in public like
they do at home.
10 Comments, 139 Views,
40 Votes
,2.60 Score
|
|
no entiendo ingles 10/20/2007
A Texan is walking through a field, sees a Man drinking water from a stock tank with one of his hands.
The Texan shouts, ,, ,, ,, ," Hey don't drink that water, ,, , It has cow shit in it!!!!!!!!!!!
The Man shouts back "Soy mexicano, yo no entiendo inglés. Hábleme español.". (I'm Mexican, I don't speak English. speak Spanish
to me)
The Texan shouts back, ,, ,, , ...
3 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
A Prayer 10/19/2007
One night, a father passed by his 's room and heard
his praying, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma, bye
bye Grandpa.
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was
glad his was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa
dead on the floor from a heart attack. The father reassured
himself that it was just coincidence, but was still spooked.
The next night he heard ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
HIGH SPERM COUNT 10/19/2007
(Q)HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU HAVE A HIGH SPERM COUNT......
(A)SHE GOTTA CHEW BEFORE SHE SWALLOWS
2 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Blonde Patient 10/19/2007
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine, " he said. She asked,
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal
sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, which
alarmed the girl. "What's the matter Doctor?
I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes,
you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ...
2 Comments, 116 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
A few quick ones... 10/18/2007
What has a red nose, Big Shoes and comes out of a test tube?
Bozo the clone.....
What is brown and has holes in it?
Swiss shit....
What did the condom say to the other condom as they walked
past a gay bar?
"Want to get shit faced?"
Why did the rubber fly across the room?
It was pissed off.....
should I stop now? ok one ...
1 Comments, 88 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
The Nun & the Hells Angels 10/18/2007
Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a greasy-spoon
when in walks a nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to
eat.
Astonished, one of the bikers says, "I went to my parents
wedding last week and we all got shit-faced." The nun continues to eat even though she obviously hear
the exchange.
Being quick on the uptake the second biker says, "My
dad says he will marry my ...
11 Comments, 240 Views,
43 Votes
,2.71 Score
|
|
Singing in Church ! 10/17/2007
A minister decided to do something a little different one
Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word
and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word
I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind". The pastor shouted out "CROSS".
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison,
"THE OLD RUGGED CROSS".
The pastor ...
8 Comments, 167 Views,
43 Votes
,3.76 Score
|
|
Celebrate 10/17/2007
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,
and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging
her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife
asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes, " sighs the husband, "She's
my ex-wife. She took to drink right after we divorced seven
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, ...
8 Comments, 141 Views,
39 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Nun and Skinhead 10/17/2007
A nun gets on a train, skinhead in front of her eating a bag
of prawns, he starts spitting the heads at her and she throws
them out the window and then pulls the emergency cord. Skinhead says "you'll get fined $50 for that
you stupid s**t". Nun replies " when I cry and they smell ur fingers
you'll get 10yrs u c**t!.
2 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
A week of golf 10/17/2007
Dave had a week off and decided to play golf every day. Monday
morning, he found himself paired with an attractive woman,
Pat, who turned out to be a very good golfer. They started
with a few casual bets, but by the back nine it was a full-blown
competition. On the 18th green, Pat sank her long birdie
putt for the win. Dave congratulated her and paid off his
losses. Pat asked for a ride home and, ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
The koala and the lizard 10/16/2007
A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint, when a little
lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala!
What ya doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint,
come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koalab
and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry'and
is going to get a drink from the river. But ...
8 Comments, 133 Views,
37 Votes
,1.80 Score
|
|
Joke for the Ladies... 10/15/2007
This couple gets married after only a couple of months of
dating. As the husband carries her over the threshold,
he rudely drops her on the bed. The man now takes off his pants
and throws them to his new wife. He tells her to "put
on these pants." She looks at him quizzically and
says "I can't wear these their too big!"
"Exactly!" he shouts "I wear the pants
in this family, You do what I ...
2 Comments, 181 Views,
15 Votes
,3.90 Score
|
|
A naked diagnostic 10/15/2007
Bob was a simple sort of person, but he always
hard an erection and his wife could never understand why?
So to asses Bob's state of mind she booking him in to
see a psychiatrist.
At the start of the session the psychiatrist told him he
was going to make random marks on the paper and Bob was to
tell him what he saw.
After the first mark Bob replied, "Thats ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
'A Carry On' sketch 10/15/2007
A nurse at medical school knocks on the door of the bathroom
"Matron are you there" she asks
"Yes, who is it?" asks Matron, who is taking
a bath.
The Nurse replies "I have Mr Thompson to see you".
"Mr Thompson?" asks Matron.
The nurse continues "Yes, Mr Thompson, the blind
man".
"OK, bring him in says Matron.
The door opens and the nurse and ...
2 Comments, 65 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
10 things in golf that sound dirty 10/15/2007
10. Look at the size of his putter 9. Oh, dang my shaft's all bent 8. You really wacked the hell out that sucker 7. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip 6. After 18 holes I can barely walk 5. Lift your head and spread your legs 4. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
alot to be desred 3. Just turn your back and drop it 2. Hold up, I have to wash my balls 1. ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
A matter of credibility 10/13/2007
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches
the driver’s door.
“Is there a problem, Officer?”
The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your
license, please?”
The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have
one.”
“You don’t have one?” ...
2 Comments, 135 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score
|
|
Rectum stretcher! 10/12/2007
A guy is late for work so he's racing trying to get there.
While crossing over a bridge doing 80 a cop catches him on
radar and pulls him over.
The guy says, "Give me a break, I'm on my way to
work, and I'm late." The cop says, "What do you do for a living?" The guy says, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop says. "A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum
stretcher do?" The guy says, "Well I ...
8 Comments, 184 Views,
48 Votes
,2.26 Score
|
|
