Anyone seen the SNL skit "Lowered Expectations"? I gave the writers the idea. Another favorite skit is "Mary Catherine Gallagher", and I also believe that my thoughts could best be expressed by quoting someone else's thoughts... "Damn, I wish I was your lover." "I'm your lover, I'm your zero." "Love is suicide." "I'm just a grouch sittin' on the couch, the world owes me so fuck you!" "I'm so damn bored I'm goin' blind and loneliness has to suffice. Bite my lip and close my eyes, oh trippin' away to paradise. Some say quit or I'll go blind..." Damn I love that band. Do you know who it is? But to be serious for a moment... I like cuddling by the fireplace, long walks on the beach, and men who aren't afraid to cry. Wait a minute, I don't like any of those! There are only two things that should be done on the beach, and walking isn't one of them. And there are much better ways to keep warm than a fireplace.

My Ideal Person An "Extraordinary Girl" to make me forget about "Whatsername" (she was quite an "American Idiot"). Maybe even someone to spend a "Holiday" with. A good dancer would be nice (Line dancing does NOT count). I like redheads, but am an equally opportunity destroyer. A Miss Piggy for my Kermit. 'Cause it's not easy being green.

Are you still reading this? What a freak
And remember kids - "When masturbation's lost its fun you're fuckin' loony!"

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Mutual Masturbation, Food Play, Handcuffs/Shackles, Blindfolds

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Physical attraction, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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