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the true confessions of a redhead.
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Forgiving him for his sin
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Posted:Aug 27, 2005 2:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:58 pm
4560 Views
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It's been a hard year for me.
I have had a hard time letting anyone in. Each guy has been faced with mountains, deserts, and hurricanes. I look back at now there are two points in my life that realize I didn't like who I was. The first was when I had my knee surgery where I was very very angry and now after I was where I was hurting.
I had the two most wonderful guys to walk me through my anger. One was my P.T. Chris who held my hand as I learned to walk again and pushed me to new limits. The other was my fiance Chris who held me as I cried the night before my surgery and sit beside my bedside at my weakest moments. I love him for all that he has done for me. Even though these two men went like the wind one summers day I still carry them with me.
I am ready to move on. For along time I have carried the hurt and pain of being . *I couldn't even say that word* I had to face this broken road by myself because I physically couldn't stand being touched by a new guy including a boyfriend. I know I still have that hurtle to tackle but I ready to let go of the hurt and angry he caused me. I hope he reads this because I forgive him.
I am finally ready to let someone back onto my road.
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Letting go of a soldier
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Posted:Aug 15, 2005 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
4057 Views
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I had to let go of someone I really cared about and it hurts. I went to Tennessee to say good bye to a soldier and hero. He is returning to Iraq for a second time. This has been one of the hardest things I had to do. He is one of the sweetest, honorible guys I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Along with saying good bye to him I had to say good bye to a few other soldiers that my road has crossed paths with. I feel grateful for the friendships they have showed me. One even said he had a feeling that he will not becoming home.
It really sucked to have to watch them go.
So after one long embraces and a good bye kiss. I cried most the way plane ride home.
To my brave friends who are leaving for Iraq: May god watch over them and protect them.
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How do you know?
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Posted:Aug 4, 2005 11:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:59 pm
3406 Views
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How do you know when its true love?
How do you know they are the one?
How do you really know?
I asked my parents once when I was engaged ... I guess I want to see what everyone else thinks
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2
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Not giving up.
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Posted:Aug 1, 2005 2:41 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2006 11:26 pm
2303 Views
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I am for the first time in along time ready to let some walls down. I have met a guy that has opened my eyes and made me look at myself...
In been trying to maintain my "bubbe of safety" since everything happened. I have spun around a lot of guys and sent them packing. Which is truth. He also made me realize I have not been "with" anyone who I haven't been before it happened..
In making me realize the reality of my actions that I was so desperate to hide he has made me realize that I terrified to let anyone in but the people I ready new before it happened which is ok. But if I want to feel the place I use to longed for, the place that made me feel safe. I have to take steps to stop pushing everyone away.
He says he isn't going away. I guess in away I hoped everyone would just give up and go away that way I would not have to deal with it. Also I would not get hurt. Many of guys that have come against my walls have given up on me.
Though I do not blame them...
I thought I could deal with this all on my own. Though what I want and need are two different things... What I really need is for someone to not give up on me and help me get through this.
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I don't.........
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Posted:Jul 19, 2005 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:59 pm
2347 Views
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I don't understand some people..
My ex boyfriend tells me he is crazy about me wants to work things out possibly get married. Work things out.. He broke up with me. lol
Another guy doesn't want a thing to do with me but checks out my profile and what I write in my blog.
What the heck?!?
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I am a survivor
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Posted:Jul 17, 2005 6:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2118 Views
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Each day is a new day.
We wake up from the horror and we move on hoping for a better day.
To not move on is to get lost in the fear.
I am not afraid.
I will stand up to my fears and face them whether I am alone or not.
For I am a survivor
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In need of some passion
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Posted:Jul 15, 2005 3:44 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2006 11:30 pm
2330 Views
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I can't believe it. I have been so horny lately. like 5 times a day. I miss having a guy enjoying me. I need some passion.
Grrr... I am so sexually frustrated.
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Ex
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Posted:Jul 7, 2005 11:09 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:59 pm
2693 Views
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My ex messaged me last night and tells me that he is single. Oooh yeah... ooooh goodie... not
Oh and that he wants to sleep with me?
The questions is about exs:
Do you take them back?
Make a slip and sleep with them?
or Ex's are Ex's for a reason let him be?
I know what my answer is but I was wondering what everyone else thoughts were.
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4
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A salute to a fallen soldier
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Posted:Jun 29, 2005 3:09 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:59 pm
2685 Views
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As it draws near to the 4th of July and I listened to the debates about Iraq. It makes me sick because of an experience:
Its undescribable the feeling that comes to you when two soldiers show up at your door and you get what we called "the knock". No words even have to be spoken for you to know the news. My friend Jessica got that knock. The emotions ran through us like wildfire. We were two women brought together by the men we loved and now one was gone.
He was one of the first to die in Iraq. So its been a while since he died and I still remember that day she got the knock she was the first one I knew to get the knock since than I have known 4 others since.
To our fallen heroes and the people they left behind... because freedom isn't free
Please whenever you see a soldier pass by you remember to Thank them
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Questions and Confessions
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Posted:Jun 11, 2005 7:51 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:57 pm
2768 Views
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Ok. I have a confession to make. Its that I am not just a "sex addict" Yes, I love sex but I need a certain level of intimacy to close the deal. Maybe it's because I haven't had a real relationship lately. Although I love sex, I craven intimacy. I love how it can be so intoxicating like a drug. There are moments in this time where I only have one of the five senses. I just simply need it. So I guess I am a intimacy junky Is that so wrong?
I met a guy recently that stated that no guy enjoys kissing. They just do it to make the girl happy. IS THIS TRUE?
As we were engaged in "adult" activities I realized he does not get the simply pleasures of intimacy. He just cared about the sex. I guess that's why I couldn't go through with it.
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Its time to get real
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Posted:Jun 10, 2005 4:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2020 8:57 pm
2656 Views
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It is time for me to get real about a promise I made mostly to myself.
It was to starting over and letting the one person I loved go. I was engaged and went through a hard four years of off and on crap. I never wanted to see the problems. I have a bad tendency to put others before myself.
Finally after he told me that he still wanted to be with me but he wanted to have "meaningless sex" with other woman. After all it was just sex it didn't mean anything. That was my breaking pointed. I told him by the time he realizes he loves me it will be to late. The last thing I said to him was; he was only sleeping with other woman to convince himself he didn't love me anymore. He got mad and hung up. I have more self-respect than he was giving me.
Its been a few months since this occured. For the first time in four years I feel free and ready to give a person the love that he didn't deserve.
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